We spent two weeks texting each other
Upon those weeks
We only saw each other twice.
The first time I met you,
My heart fluttered
I love you so much
I always wanted to say this to you.
You held my hand so tightly
As if I was your world.
Your soft warm gentle kisses,
Made me fall in love with you even more.
After the first day was over,
I wouldn't think you would text me back.
But you did.
You loved spending time with me,
That you wanted to meet the next Saturday.
Every single day
We texted looking forward to each day.
Your good mornings
You calling me baby
You ending up missing me when I take a nap
I love the smallest things about you
My feelings for you
Only grew.
Saturday came along.
We met again.
We kissed.
We had ***.
And we kissed again.
I told you that I was falling for you really hard.
You only said "That's okay."
For the first time,
I finally told you that I loved you even though my heart was racing fast.
"I love you too."
With those words, I felt safe.
I felt complete with you.
Our day together was perfect.
Even just the quiet car rides,
was perfect with you.
It was that until you parked into my house to drop me off.
I looked at your eyes.
Those hazel eyes were full of sadness.
I couldn't wrap my head what you were thinking.
I could only give you a kiss.
A kiss that I knew, would be our last.
A kiss that I wish that was longer.
Wish you were mine.

when i met you, i felt as if you were the only soul that would ever matter to me anymore
kinda like how juliet was completely in awe with romeo or how cleopatra would do anything to see antony.
the times when you ask me to go to a midnight movie or to go see some metal band that i have never heard of
remind me of that feeling got when you were a kid, you know, when your mom finally caved in after you asked her a countless amount of times for a candy bar while grocery shopping
when i was learning about everything you love, it was our first drive. it was the best drive cause we didn’t have a destination
when i was learning to trust you, i never thought id feel anything other than the security that the drive to my house every night gave me
when i loved you, you taught me that letting go isn't the same as giving up, and that its the opposite of holding on
my mom would always tell me to love without limits and you were the only reason i was able to succeed one of her expectations
when i was losing you, i was jealous of the streetlights that got to hold you. all of you. you showed me that I would never care about anyone this much
when i lost you, i lost everything. when you left, everything left.

i never realized how much i liked being alone until i was, you know, like 6 years old.
maybe it’s the silence, or the fact that no one else can bother my thoughts but i am still just as attracted to being alone as i am to the way the snow will rest on the branches of trees... or that boy i see at that coffee shop every so often
but i mean usually people talk about loneliness like it’s a bad thing, but they have to realize that for me, the amount of people that i have in my life times 1000 plus a million (and lets through parenthesis somewhere in there) is not even the amount of miles it takes to get to just the moon. or the amount of minutes i would love to spend by myself aimlessly doing nothing other than trying to survive in my own thoughts.
i want you to know that i’m actually perfectly okay. i realize my parents worry about the increasing amount of time i spend not speaking to them and they worry about when i wont even say hello to my dog when i come home at 2:48 am 3 nights in a row but really i promise im okay
if promises were like hearts do you think they would cause the same amount of heartaches? i mean i never really cared about getting my heartbroken because then again, it allows me to be by myself more
i used to believe in a theory that if everyone got their hearts broken at the same point in time, nobody would be able to feel anything
now i only can believe in the feeling that i get when im driving in my car- you guessed it, alone, on a one way road with no stop signs because it is the only time when i can feel something without anyone else noticing
sometimes, spending time with people i love makes the urges to be alone harder to deal with. i know im supposed to want to go out and do things with others, but when the opportunities come, my mind is the gas pedal and my body is the break. or the other way around... i dont know for sure because ive never really had the time to figure it out yet but all i know is that the relief of how my blankets hold me at the end of the night makes it worth the torture

I have stopped waiting for you.

I have stopped nurturing the hope that you will someday change your mind.

I've stopped waiting for someday.

Because you've always had today and keep throwing it away.

you used to leap over mountains
     to reach me
you used to sail through the seas
     to see me
you used to journey through darkness
     to hold me

and now you can't be bothered to do anything at all.
          because you simply "dont have the time."
                                                            s
                                                              o
                                                  s                  q
                                                e                      u
because t                              i                           i
                  i                         l                              c
                     m                 f                                  k
                          e                                                   l
                                                                                y


and then days become weeks,
weeks become months
& then it's becomes years since we've spoken

you say you don't have time,
but they say that you make time for the
          people
                          you
                                      love.

it could have been
the sound
of my heart
breaking
with every laugh
and smile
that I forced

Things you said that I will never forget:
"My night would have been better if you were here."
"I want you in my life."
"I imagined you sleeping over every night."
"You live here now."
"You were my first choice."
"That waiter basically thought we were married."

Things you never said:
I love you.