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  Mar 2018 soliana
Miseria
Truth lies beneath your warm smile
that as time passed by
you've learned that in order to survive
you have to suffocate yourself with lies
telling you are loved
you are cared
you are blinded by hallucinations
you went to a place you called paradise
and filter your pain with i'm alright
in reality you are long dead
your soul is broken into pieces and shattered on the floor
bathe in your own tears
you wanted to tell the truth
you wanted not to hide
you wanted to tell them that you are suffering from anxiety, loneliness every night
that as she shut the door and said  Sleep tight
you took a blade and slits your beautiful skin and rest with tears in your eyes
you tried to hide your wounds with a smile and telling everybody you're fine
  Mar 2018 soliana
Lizzie
She sits alone in her room,
Listening to the sound of raindrops pounding on the window,
Demanding to be let in.
She cries in silence, for the pain she bares is too much,
She laughs with friends, flirts, jokes, alive with joy,
But in the end it's when she's all alone..
She chokes..
The crushing weight of dread, loneliness, and sorrow stab at her chest..
She wonders, when can she rest…
The voices are upon arrival, telling her there's no survival;
She pulls herself closer to hide the demons within..
But how can you drown them if they know how to swim?
‘Dunk them under’, they say, ‘smother them’;
‘How can I do that’ , she asks, ‘If they are inside me?’
As the rain pours louder, her heart shatters like glass,
The sharp edges cutting fast,
She asks herself,’How much longer can I last?’
As she takes the final slash
soliana Mar 2018
I wanted to scream
till my lungs needed air
till my throat ached
till my tears blurred my vision
just to see
if the sound was louder
i'll see you
come back to me.
11:50 PM 11/8/17
soliana Mar 2018
Maybe I wasn't worth the wait
Maybe I wasn't worth the time and space
Maybe I wasn't worth anything at all
Because when I told you to stay with me
You simply said you couldn't
I smiled and for one last time
and maybe I wasn't going to see it again
the sincerity in your eyes
As you turned your back
and closed the door
with the same hands that
held
my broken heart.
11:47 PM 11/8/17
- you said sorry and knew it was yours to begin with.
soliana Mar 2018
when i met you
i thought about
you and how you
have become my
soulmate.

but every night
as the hypnotic feeling
kicks in
i thought about the time
i met you
and remembered i said,
"i'm going to fall in love
with you."

yet, i never thought
that i was going to
meet my soulmate
or love my soulmate
and my soulmate
was pain.
5:35 PM 1/30/18
soliana Feb 2018
"come back to me", she said

all night she screamed
thinking that if the sound
was louder
the suffocating feeling will be gone.

"come back to me", she whispered
as her vision blurred once more
thinking of that one person she lost
no, it wasnt the boy who held
her broken heart
nor the father that was buried 6 feet below

"come back to me", she hummed with
drooping eyes of pills

wondering when she started crumbling
and losing herself for someone
who didnt even matter.
5:33 PM 1/6/2018
  Feb 2018 soliana
Lunar
you said that
you love it when it rains.
little did you know that
it rains
whenever i shed a tear.
maybe that's why
you seem happy
even if i'm hurt;
you enjoy
whenever i cry.
and i'll always end up
exchanging your sorrow
for my euphoria,
in hopes of you
loving the rain—
me, my tears, and my pain.
(j.m.)
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