Colorless sky,
     Greenless trees,
     Lifeless flowers;

No fragrant wind,
     No salty sea,
     No fresh rain;

Tasteless vanilla,
      Sourless lemons,
      Sweetless cheesecake;

No loud rock,
      No soothing violin,
      No smooth jazz;

Feelingless touch,
      Softless kiss,
      Tenderless hug.

"I woke up."
   And wished I was dead.
"I walked through the house."
   Like a zombie.
"I kissed and hugged my mother."
   And my body was in so much pain.
"I ate my breakfast."
   And felt sick to my stomach.
"I grabbed my clothes and got dressed."
   But I stared at my scars and cuts first.
"I started my schoolwork."
   And wished I could disappear.
"I turned in assignments."
   But I already knew what my grades would be.
"I ate lunch; I had a sandwich."
   I didn't want to eat. Why do they make me?
"I went back and did more school."
   And wished I wasn't alive; did I mention that already?
"I did my chores."
   And thought of all the ways I could leave.
"I ate dinner."
   Because they always make me eat.
"I did more school until ten."
   Then collapsed into bed, not wanting to exist.
"I laid in my bed wide awake, thinking, until about two a.m."
   I didn't want to sleep 'cause I don't like nightmares.
"I thought about life, conversations, etc."
   Ways I could off myself, why I hate myself, etc.
"I finally fell asleep around two-fifteen."
   The nightmares get worse and worse.
   Please don't make me do it again.
   I don't want to live another day.
   Please don't make me live life.
"Then the day started again when I woke up at about five."
   *Please.

Oasis

*After April rains
the desert dryness
apparent this spring
has unfolded
in green expression..
This new coloration
a multiplicity
of leaf and bird
coloring bleak dryness
as mind and world
emerging in Spring...

When I was six
Daddy held my tiny hand
He promised mine would stay silk
His hands were hard
From love
He walked with me
in the Tennessee mountains
While the Lady Slippers bloomed
Rare orchids
in pink and yellow
They grow wild here
He bent,
looking me in my pale eyes
And he said
"God of the mountains and wild things,
breathe,
make them dance,
for my little lady."
And they did