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I remember the last day i seen you.
Its still etched in my memory
even tho its been a century.
Today i see you and its nothing.. maybe if you seen me a couple of days ago things would of been different but.. last night i gave up on everything completely, whats the point if at the end of the day i fall apart no matter if it was good or bad it only ends in self destruction. Sure i sound like a pessimists but i simply cant see the bright side anymore.. besides him who do i really have. No one. And im not even sure that he's really there maybe he's only here physically idk.  And im terrified to find out. All this uncertainty is drowning out my voice of reason.
Idk anymore lol.. fml
grandmother’s pond never moves

it’s alive, preserved inside her like a bubble.

an unknown aquifer, dreaming of us

no birds, no insects, no worms there

with a consistent season-less breeze

perpetually tousling the tangled grass,

her silver quivering hairs,

slow love rises from her porch perch

that chair rocks her into another time.

The Feather-fines hold the fences in place

a crown of thorns protects her herb garden,

she watches over those young, certain mountains

unaware of their Appalachian ancestors,

The Maple trees huddle, coveting their oldest memories

grandmother’s a stone, listening, under it all.

Nervous chewing college kids circle above her,

they think about this ancient perfect stillness,

this is her own        the morning of the grandmother

her pond remains frozen glacier still,

her chair cradles the illness

we remember her well, the owl of the anonymous valley
I'll pick you a bouquet
Just for your special day
We will meet once again
So long has it been

As I pick these lovely pieces
To pile on cold stone places
To stare at you in silence
I begin to reconnaissance

Moments we had of each other
Laughter and tears together
The fun and high we had
And terrible moments so bad

Of these memories we share
Forever I will bear
In sickness and in health
'Til death do us part

But my dear lovely star
You went away too far
Embraced an old friend
And death with you happened
It's my friend's death anniversary. And I've been writing this since last week so I decided to post it here to immortalize his memories. He was a strong fighter, fighting until he draw his last breath against Gall Bladder Cancer. Rest in peace old friend.
  Dec 2016 Tammy M Darby
The Mellon
Skip a stone across a still pond,
Creating ripples of obscurity.

Skip a stone across a river
Screaming I believe,
I believe.

Who can know with sure and sound
That rocks will make their presence found?

Maybe so if rocks are shy
They may quietly skip on by.

Little to you be known,
Rocks can snarl as they go.

So if you mean no harm
Take steady aim before you throw,

Because skipping a stone across a pond
Is a whole lot more chaotic
Than skipping in a river.


Skipping in a pond is profound
Lasting until the edges had eroded.

Skipping in a river is forgotten.
Rock swallowed up.

Know your goal before release
A single stone can shatter peace;

A single stone can go unknown
But leave it's seed to be grown.

Know the change you want to see,
So you can release your stone Carfully.
I dunno. It popped into my head. Maybe it will make sence to one of you. Beats me where the hell this came from or what it means, please, let me know if you know.
  Dec 2016 Tammy M Darby
nina
you have been lying to me.
you have let me curled up beside you & stare at you with starry eyes,
letting me believe that it was just my mind creating this doubt about your honesty but my soul was screaming at me to pay attention because somehow deep down i know that you have been lying to me.
i told myself that i trusted you & that i wouldn't look at your phone even though you spend more time starting at the glow of your phone than you do speaking to me.
i told myself i wouldn't look at your phone so i tried to forget the four digits that make up your password but i memorized them & i tried to confuse myself by saying as many numbers in my mind as possible but i memorized them.
i memoriezed them because i'm nosy & untrusting of men but also because you have proven more than once before that you are untrustworthy.
yet still i ignored the growling & snarling underneath my heart telling me you were hiding something from me, yet i still ignored the tightness in my chest & the migraines building in my brain from stress of lying to myself about your deceptions.
but of course, the growling became roaring & i couldn't contain the anxiety, the fear & curiousity of what the f#k are you doing behind my back?
so as you were in the kitchen i pressed in those four digits to reveal the lies you kept from me & immediately the pain of a thousand sharpened needles pierced my chest yet a part of me was not surprised, after all this wasn't the first time...
& i told you to get out & for a moment i was strong enough to let go but the more i explained my pain, the less i could resist & i fell again under your seduction & empty promises of changing...
& as i got ready for work this morning, suppressing the open wounds in my heart & the hollowness in my breath, i saw you sleeping in the bed.
for a moment i smiled but then remembered all you've done to tear apart my heart & soul & soon enough i felt my fingers curl around your phone again to be sure that you meant it this time.
but all i saw was that you decided to change only the platform on which you hide your lies from me...

but i am insane
& i stay

i can feel myself transforming into the empty shell of a human, a ghost haunting myself, a memory of a being that was once so loving, kind, strong & intelligent.
but i now am just a silhouette that you can project whatever you'd like onto it.
you have created an empty body, a doll, a toy, a puppet that you can make dance for you at any moment in time.
is that what you wanted? because if so then..
*you win
  Dec 2016 Tammy M Darby
Chloe M Teng
She's the girl with the matte lipstick,
Deep, bold red that flows in her veins
She throws them fierce on her fragile lips
Warning every man she's more than a kiss.

She's the girl with the matte lipstick
A deeper red than the roses she was given,
One look at the mirror and she's all set
To rule out the world with her head set high.

And she will be stronger than you and I,
For her soul is clinquant with
glittery gold
Of fading scars and past mistakes
That she will one day conquer all on her own.
James-Lange Theory of Emotions states that
the first time you held my hand I knew it would be the start
and so I smiled

Lazarus Theory of Emotion argues with
my mind as to why you continue to hold me every time
and you still make me tremble inside

Schachter-Singer Theory of Emotions proves that
the first time you ever kissed me made me feel safe and free
And that’s when I knew I love you

But above all these theories,
One thing remains true -that you are the triggering event,
the arousal, the reason, and all the emotions in between.
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