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 Feb 2017 t
carolyn
Untitled
 Feb 2017 t
carolyn
I had once said that I never wanted to see you again.
"Just one more year," I had said, "And I'll never have to see him again."
But then things happened.
We grew closer, we grew stronger.

And now I find myself needing you,
Hanging on to the hope of seeing you again
And I wonder what happened.
When was I right? Was I ever even close?
 Feb 2017 t
Kayotic Tragedy
We are left to sit and wonder,
What is life?
What is real?
And why do living things need feelings?

Well how'd you like to try pumping lead through your veins?
Or have a heart so wet and cold it starts rusting.
When the world ticks around, your voice is talking all the time.
Or live with feelings you've never felt because you cannot feel.

What is this leaking affecting my eyes?
Does the oil that is dripping, mean this is a cry?
Will I ever be something with feelings to hide?
Or am I just a boiler with nothing inside?

I want all today, don't want to hear you say
"You can't do this, you can't do that.
You're not a living thing with feelings."

Wind me up, turn the gears.
I want more today, don't want to hear you say
"I love you."
 Feb 2017 t
Shari Forman
Alone at last,
Where I peacefully lay on my brown leather couch,
And contemplate about my past.
 Jan 2017 t
Z Trista Davis
This wasn’t the first time that she had felt suffocated
by skinny girls and standards of beauty.
It got like this every winter,
feeling the heavy layers
weighing her body down.

She never felt comfortable in the sweater and boots,
socks and coats that she bundled up in.
She liked light clothes,
clothes that fairies would wear,
or angels.

Even in summer,
bracelets felt like shackles,
trying to pull her down to earth.
Socks and shoes and pants,
dragging her down.

Coats and hats and mittens,
tethering her in place.
If it was just her
in a sundress and bare feet,
she turned into some sort of ethereal being.

She was like dandelion fuzz floating on the wind.
But the sweaters held her together,
the way that stars and fireworks and splashes of water
should never be bound together
but let explode.

Because some things are only beautiful
if they are coming apart.
And she came apart in wisps
flowing up like smoke
and smelling like lilacs in spring.
 Jan 2017 t
Morgan
Good morning,
It's a beautiful day
to romanticize my own death

Good morning,
My brain is doing this
Brand new ****** up thing
And it's hardly 8 AM

I used to know how to float
Now I'm drowning

I used to know how to keep my distance
Now my feet are dangling over the edge

And I have this constant feeling in my stomach
Like I'm already falling

And I'd ask you to talk me down
But we haven't been talking

And I'd ask you to hold my hand
But you can't reach me
From where I've been hiding

I don't know
What it is
About this bed
That's begun to feel
Like a coffin

I drink coffee at night
And pills in the morning

I am tired
But not for a
Lack of sleeping

My dad has a doctorate degree
In civil law

I'm 22 and a freshman
With very little direction

I've been disappointed in myself for so long
But I haven't done much to change it

I thought maybe yoga
Would enlighten me
But I don't like the way
My body looks
When it bends

I thought maybe
A boy could save me
From feeling ugly
But he doesn't like they way
My body looks
When it bends

And he doesn't say it

He doesn't say much at all

But I could tell,

I was born intuitive

And I've been trying
Lately
To shake it

Cause everyone's thoughts
Are cold and painful

And I don't wanna see them
Anymore

I get paid
to bathe people,
to feed them,
to do their laundry,
And to make them smile,
But they still tell me
Right before they fall asleep
At night,
Right before I finally get
To leave them,
That I'm going to Hell
For the pictures in my skin
That I thought I needed
When I got them

I just wanna love something

I just wanna feel loved sometimes

There's a broken heart
on my right bicep
With a banner through it
That reads "myself"
And I'd say it's pretty honest

I've been breaking my own heart
Since I learned how to be
Introspective
When I was eight

I've been breaking my own heart

I just wanna be kind
To myself
And to the boy
Who holds me
And to the friends
Who call me
And to the family
Who supports me

I just wanna be kind
To my mind
And to my body

Show me how
To be decent

I'm so cruel
Anymore
 Jan 2017 t
A
Acceptance
 Jan 2017 t
A
I've accepted that this is my life and this is my body and this is my broken heart and this is my future

I've accepted that this is my life and even though I've let 6 year old me down I can't keep trying to change things in my life and I need to keep going to not let 20 year old me down

I've accepted that this is my body and even though 6 year old me was touched and tortured and the past 14 years have been nothing but a chain of things I never knew were possible and a chain of feelings I never knew I could feel

I've accepted that this is my broken heart and even though it's hard to feel emotions these days, i have to keep going for that little girl who had big dreams and never knew that you could actually not like yourself

I've accepted that this is my future and it is in my hands
This makes me sound stronger than I actually am it's not as easy as it is to write
 Jan 2017 t
N
Sinday
 Jan 2017 t
N
My favorite day of the week
is the day
God rested
and you are
sprawled on my bed
in silk

It is when we hear people
sing praises
in the nearby church while
some lonely bird
on the window sill
listens to us call for
the Alpha and the Omega
with our silent
moans
and whimpers
over and over
again

It is when Adam is
always nowhere
to be found
so Eve is left with
another Eve
alone
---
Forgive me, Father, I have sinned. 'Tried to cleanse myself of these thoughts but they crept back in. Forgive me, Father, I have sinned. When she's close to me, the Devil wins.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dy8mKxIBM8
---
 Jan 2017 t
Roo
Falling
 Jan 2017 t
Roo
I think I'm falling in love.
Not the cute and pretty kind,
but the mean and gritty type that
you worry is going to last too long.
Will I end up missing your face?
Watch it fade as those memories dim.
There's a reason it's called falling
and not floating nor gliding.

God, I hate falling in love.
Isn't it so peculiarly terrifying?
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