Envious to myself to be called out as your
baby, despite how much she nurses me-
all the night she prays for my blessings; while
during my day I act out as one not considering
how blessed I am to have her… her clothing prepared
to robe me with the covering of much respect

Her sacrifices are unsung; reaping all for me to sow
—and by the bruises on her heart, it has to show
as young as she was, she reflected a mother's love
put all together in our pretend house

we were unashamed under a tree’s fruit to ripen-
perhaps I missed how to her, this was our very first
date- but please forgive me, for not seeing how my
childhood friend didn’t take our childish love
games as just another game
                     I thought it was just a game of house

Roma is where I met you,
You said you were a fighter born from the waters of Venice,
But I knew better hiding in that sweet ladies apartment on 11th Street,
Hiding from love.
        Then there's hiding from you
On our second date you told me you were an actor,
Glittering under the fatal light of Hollywood,
Your talent mistaken for imitation of your greatest tragedy,
That fatal kiss in the streets of Roma
Where you told me you were a singer known for unusual lyrics,
But i didn't mind listening to your symphonies
For they imitated sirens and so I should've seen it sooner
For on our final date you told me you were a builder known for building great relationships
And so that's why I sit writing in this sweet ladies apartment on 11th Street because it surprised me so much when you broke ours.
In Roma where I met you, where you said you were a fighter,
Yet your actions were treason because betrayal is normal in Roma,
The place I left you with all the right intentions and
                         All
                             The
                                   Wrong
                                              Reasons

I remember when
You wrote me a poem

I was sitting on the window sill
It was morning
You held out a piece of paper
And you read it out loud
Your voice shaking
With such sincerity
You couldn’t hold it in

I remember the warm sun
that shone onto the city
And the room we were in
that held the words you spoke to me

Everything about that day
Is forever engraved in my memory
And thank god for that

Because I remember the night before
The lamp above the kitchen table
The night we both knew we had
Found each other from another  
Lifetime, in the way our hearts beat together
and our breaths had synched


I wish I still had your poem
Never thought I’d had to think about keeping it
It’s crazy the things pain makes you do
But now that I feel better
I wish I could remember you

lost fragrances of easy summer mornings
when all she knew was the dirt
between her toes
and scattered throughout her
golden hair.

lost melodies of lazy summer days
when all she knew was the water
of river susurrations
and warmest shortlived rains
caressingly falling.

lost bites of ripe summer evenings
when all she knew was the sweetness
of rose-red lips
and shared apricots with she
of auburn hair.

lost glances of torrid summer nights
when all she knew was the lust
of her youth
and the wine shared between
first loves.

lost times of summer's end
when all she knew was gone.

do you remember when
all that mattered was
holding his hand

and smelling the sun
on his sunburnt skin
laid on sun-set sand

do you remember when
the only song you knew
was his second name

and now the only dance
your feet understand
is a stance with his toes

can you take me back
the night i cried
like how lampposts died

asking myself why
your moon only shines
when you speak of his smiles

could you take me back to sun-screened streets
where all that mattered were
our touching feet

You consume my thoughts
You're across the globe, for you it's 8am
I know if I stay up until 3 you'll be awake then

But why why why
Do I do this to myself
I have a man that loves me more than anything on earth
Yet I just want to hear your words
Manipulate you to go from texting to calling
Because I know the things I need to say to get you falling
I want to slip back into the old routine
Of talking and talking for hours on end
You made me laugh like I've barely laughed since
I laugh with my man but it's different with you
You know me absolutely through and through
Meeting in adolescence giving us both an advantage
A sense of vulnerability that any new person just cannot seem to reach
Hurting us both as we know we cannot keep a hold
On the people who give us all of their love
Their life
Their future

But what are we doing
Talking just talking
We know what's off limits
Not tempted not lusting
Just missing the old and wondering
If you feel the same way about us too
Do you feel a sense of why why why
Scared to death of any other feeling
To see you in person would break me?
Would it break you? Or is that what we need?
A moment alone for clarity
To stare and take in what the years have done to us both
Pulled at our skin and our hair but
Not our eyes
Not our souls

We remain the same
Twisting through the air sensing every thought
Knowing every consideration
Time would slow down
We would be patient
Waiting to see who would speak
Would we need a translation? Do you still know everything I mean?
Are you still the same person?
How has time changed our twisting souls?
You're across the globe
Away from me
Away from you
But it feels like nothing new

Just temporary distance
In between a forever affair
New people will come and go and come and go
Yet you and I will stay twisting in air
But I'll marry the man I am with
You might be in attendance
Will it **** you? Will it hurt me?
Maybe eventually
It's a neverending question
How are you? How have you been?
I ask you about her you ask me about him
We stay on the shallow end of the pool
Neither really wants to look the fool
Asking for answers on the deep end

Why why why
Do we do this every year
I stare at my ceiling all night long
One more hour and you'll be awake
But I can't wait
But I have too
He is for me, not you
Anymore
God this is hard to believe
That our souls are so intertwined you live in my dreams
And I skip through yours

No need to ask we both know it's true
And I can tell it's been eating at you
You've been busy and I've been waiting
And all these empty words we keep saying
Leading up to what we really want to know
Why me? Why you?
When will the years pass fast enough that we forget our past
When will we move on and no longer look back
Probably never

How do we tell who we love
Oh sorry I still talk to you
But not like that I promise
There's nothing amiss
Maybe we're twin flames
Spinning around getting hotter
Burned with each other's names
Forever

She had no light to offer
For the man in the deep dark gutter
But she learnt to poke and drill holes
On her skin, bones and soul
He got his head above the water
And made his way out of the clutter
She longed for his momentarily hold
But he wants to touch and see her bold
Every curve and angle of her body
Was bruised, then rot slowly
Oh, her skin he strip and flay
Like she was an object to play
The holes, got bigger and not better
Ashamed, she let herself touch his *****
She was disgusted, tried to dispute
For making her a woman of ill repute
She thought he intended to leave poems
No, it was pitch black, monochrome
Life she was given of, left dying
Marks that she regret having
And she could not erase it all
No, no, no, it’s her downfall
Touch, it’s been said and done
She ran, and in her pocket was a gun
Quickly, she climbed in the gutter
Upholding the scarlet letter