It's nice to see you after such a Long time apart
Your touch makes all the colors of my skin turn to art
Several nights pass, down this bottom of a glass
I cannot speak my relief to have you in my hands
These first few sips as I bring you to my lips
Make me feel so dizzy, filthy -
This hell is my bliss
Though after much time with ya
I feel nauseous in my boudoir
Maybe my dependence is a hindrance to my brilliance
But I don't know who I am in the presence of your absence

I was young.
A child.
Barely able to comprehend simple math.
And you told me that I could be anything.
Anything at all.
To pick who I want to be.
I think you wanted me to pick nothing.

I'm frozen.
Standing in place,
my feet still on the cold concrete I once called home.
I can see the spinning wheel.
Constantly turning,
but never changing time.
Like a vortex without energy
or a lamp without light.
It's nothing,
just there.
It exists.
But,
do I?

Whom am I?
And what have I become?

Am I what they say I am?
Am I destined for failure?

Whom am I?
And what have I become?

I have lost myself,
Within their words,
Within my actions.
Carried away with the pleasure and never expected to return.

Whom am I?
And what have I become?**

For I am lost;
Lost within myself,
An unidentifiable person I have become.
For the appeasement of others,
While drifting from whom I used to be.
My only question is..
Whom am I?
And what have I become?

Just because I can't sew my own shadow back on
doesn't mean that I have failed
For where the soap I use won't tack on
there's room for it to be nailed.

For one day I will be a being
that pillages and loots and harms
the hearts of many young girls that I'll be seeing
And my shadow will run from their arms.

self introduction:
trying to remember
who I was

Will the vibrations my footfalls make - make a difference?
Will they leave anything behind for the bugs and the rats in the ground?
The grit -
What will be left where my footprints sit?
Scuffs, scratches -
Or maybe I'll make the ground smooth where I walk
When I talk -
Do my words matter?
Will the things I say shatter -
Or create something new?
Will I leave a trail -
Or will I simply make a trail for someone else?
Does my foot tapping -
To other people's art -
Count as my own?
Or am I just a collection of reactions?
Unable to make others react?

Other people play piano
Other people sing
I can't do either
I can't do nothing
I can't do a single thing

Other people paint a picture
Other people dance
I've tried, I've failed
I can't do nothing

But I can't just do nothing anymore

I saw her again today
Blankly staring ahead.
Hair blowing,
Roots showing,
Her eyes glazed, a puzzle of red.

I wonder what thoughts run
Behind that glassy look.
Try to guess,
With no success,
Judge her cover to know her book.

Is she musing about love
Warm home that travels with him.
Gushing thoughts,
Of happy sorts,
Eyes red thank life full to the brim.

Is she mourning a loss
Of freedom, hope or more.
Twisted fate,
Brings unasked date,
Eyes red farewell her dreams in store.

Is she running through task list
New box added on refresh.
One more tick,
Oh so slick,
Eyes red betray unrested flesh.

Is she setting out in search
Of new life, new mind, new soul.
Endless hunt,
Brave new stunt,
Eyes red find lost piece from her whole.

I take one last look at her
Into my mirror on bathroom shelf.
My red eyes,
Full of lies,
I am a stranger to my self.

I've always wondered
What my life would be like
If I was the rebellious child.

I've always wondered
What my life would be like
If I was the type to party.

I've always wondered
What my life would be like
If I was the quiet girl in class.

I always wondered
What my life would be like
If I didn't care as much.

But I follow the rules
I don't party
I'm not quiet.

I care too much;
I care too much about people,
People who don't care for me.

What if I was totally different?
What would that be like?
Who would I be?

I would be no one
Because who I am
Is who I want to be.

My soul aches with longing
Gazing up at the sky
the twinkling stars above
That have probably already died
Burning light years away
But I feel it all too close
Star dust is in my bones
It's energy is my ghost
That shimmering star is me
A memory from my past
I gaze up at myself
It occurs to me at last
If only I could feel you
But my mind just seems to block
The soul that resides inside myself
That's yearning to be unlocked.