never was i
going to be held by the throat
ever again,
played with a leash
like a mindless dog

i was wiser than that

but son, when love strikes
your supposed wisdom is met
and negated by
a dash of crazy
a hint of impulse
that, dear, oh dear
lead to
a multitude of reckless decisions.

but maybe that's the way
life's meant to be lived

take a risk

Yes, after the loving's over,
You've bowled this maiden over,
Honey, we blew up the universe,
You can believe that, for what it's worth,
Honey, we blew up infinity
again, how's that for chemistry?
Honey, we blew up the systems solar,
Yin and Yang, our love bipolar,
Yes, this is our Big Bang theory,
Love endless between you and me.........

You're related to the sun...
Ever so gold...
Rising invariably atop of my world...
I promise, now that it comes to you...
All that matters to me gets blacked out...
Not far from a solar eclipse...
Everything's shaded...
Even my pride gets faded...
Not a thing.. Not a word.. Nor a single soul can possibly explain it...
As if your spirit exists on mine...
Not necessarily to tear me up...
But to give birth to a new part of me...
"You" are the inception...
Matching the "Big Bang"...
Only this time, "You" are my "Own" treasured yet unsolved "Theory"...

Thu. Nov. 28th 2013.
Kawther AlKhabbaz.

I'm just a miserable bunch of quantum field excitations. A bag of bags of quarks. And so's my truck.

I was entangled with a gal, but things went South. We're still ensnared— unmeasured and immeasurable with no divorce.

Dark energy, dark matter, dark thoughts-- I'll go to the dark side and jump in a black hole.

That'll teach you,  bit....   [loss of signal]

As a little girl,
I used to think my backyard
was the Garden of Eden.
When I turned 14
I had *** with a boy for the first time
behind the peonies bushes
because they were my mother’s favorite.
She didn’t notice.
Neither did the sky.

Hannah told me that when she has *** with her boyfriend,
she wants to live inside him.
I’ve always wondered what it would be like
to inhabit someone else’s body.
Less as rib, but more
as flesh, or breath.

Nobody ever asked Eve
if she liked ***.
Maybe she was just using Adam for his *****.
I’ve been trying to convince myself
that ******* boys with my shirt on is feminist.

A boy named Adam once fell in love with me
but I never let him touch me after he came.
I still feel this way most days, but
sometimes I wish the inside of my skin
knew what it felt like
to be held.

all she wants to do
is make beautiful things,
but she doesn't even know what beauty is.

this looks nice, so simple, minimalism.
but is it a masterpiece?

question everything. the head is full.

what is art?
what is purpose?
what is pleasing?
what is ugly?
what is permanence?
what is thieving?

and of course there is the, "why?"

it continues.
it continues.

she thinks.
there is no answer.
simply a carousel of questions.

My world could be a chromosome
My world could be a atom
My world could lay in your hands
Or even be a blown bubble.

everything is an incoherent concept

Can the soul be cremated? Is she still with me?
A once alive body turned into smoldering remains in a matter of moments, residing now on a shelf for all to simultaneously acknowledge and ignore.

Shall we pause to consider
the shudder of a butterfly's wings
that sets the hurricane spinning
or the descent of the final raindrop
that breaches the groaning levy?

Shall we ponder the moment before
a chorus of "maybe's" morphs
into the vain eloquence of history?

Roiling in the broth of chaos
a cluster of causes startles the surface -
unfurling a queue of effects
that dot the timescape
like rows of teetering dominoes.

Typhoons twist villages to ruins,
armies rise to victory or
succumb to the despair of defeat,
or a medical miracle is born
from the agile mind of a doctor
conceived in a Chevy's back seat.

So here we stand on the ridge of time
ourselves both caused and causing,
cradling the sphere of chaos in our hands -
uncertain what effect will be our being
after all our causes are enumerated.

Time will surely tell - as soon
as we tell time exactly what to say.

*August, 2013