The lights of the day fades from blue back to black
and darker shades of silver grey*
Lately all my thoughts are all over the place
All just a mess
I want to pretend it never happened
Like you never left
But I wake up everyday and you're not here anymore
You're in another place
in another town
with other people
while I'm stuck her on my own
all alone
without you
how was I supposed to do?
all you've done?
be brave?
How would you think I'd be okay?
All I feel,
Is it's not real
And I'm ashamed.
Ashamed that I can't be what I thought I'd be.
I never thought it'd hurt like this
Time seems to have repeated itself again
I shouldn't have made the same mistake twice
Shouldn't have been selfish and held on so tight
Shouldn't have told you that you where my shining light
Shouldn't have thought that things could get better
Because they did
That's the thing,
It DID get better
and now...
it's all like it never did
Because I'm stuck in the middle
or worse still...left behind
confused and unable
to stand on my own two feet
this isn't who I was supposed to be
I was supposed to be stronger than this
I was supposed to better at this
Why can't I be like you?
I wasn't supposed to be this weak
But I am
And there are days
when I feel like I don't...
Don't want to be better anymore
I can't be fixed
I'm not a car
There are no spare parts you can find
because I'll never run right.
But
then I hear your voice
and you say
'Who are you to say you're not okay?'
'You're only what you let think of yourself'
and if I let go,
How would I ever know?
All the endless possibilities?
Because you help me find the person I want to be!
Me.
&
I'm learning that
feelings are there
because they demand to be felt
So I wont shut them out
Like people shut me out
I'll be in little details
That people don't notice
But whoever notices me for me will know..
I wont pretend that things don't effect me when they do,
When I can feel every tiny thing.
I will learn to be brave..
I will find a middle ground
I will find a way...
Back to where I feel happy,
safe,
warm,
Back to the place that seems like a distant dream..
a place like home.
Inspired by NewMoon & Frozen & TFIOS
Sometimes it's not the place that makes a place 'home'..
Sometimes it's an object, a pet, a smell...
Sometimes it's a person..
My best friend always felt like home,
It wasn't a place,
It was a feeling I felt whenever she was close.
And now I feel like I'm wandering but that doesn't mean I'm lost...
That doesn't mean it's the end...
because every end is a just a new beginning :)
and no matter where she is..
she'll always be home to me.
-H
