I’ve been on a train of anxiety.
I’m not sure when I stepped on board
or how long I was on it.
All I know is I got to a point
where my mind and body both said
“Stop this train, I want to get off”.
That sudden halt, the screech of the brakes…
I was standing but then I was floored.

I think I crawled off the train
and right now I’m lying on the platform.
People are knocking on the windows saying,
“Get back on, this is the only way
you can really get to where you’re going,”
rushing me towards somewhere.
But if I walk, I can enjoy it and take in so much more.
I can still get to where I need to be,
it might just take me a bit longer to get there.

Luckily I have the option to walk
and a handful of people who really care
and support me along the way.
But there’s still a voice in my head
that occasionally says "you couldn’t handle the train",
so many other people can.
I think I know, somewhere deep down,
that I’m not them and they might get off
somewhere down the line too
…Or maybe they’re riding a different train.

D Zwieble

Remember the story,
about the beautiful-hearted girl,
trapped in the ship,  sinking..

     and how he saw her--
    through the porthole,

        made his way through it,

                            and saved her--

by pressing his mouth to hers
so that she could  become  able to breathe,
as she finally exited the ship

        and made her way back up
                               to the surface..

    He loved her enough
    to be her very air  at the time she
      needed it most.
      He still loves her.


      I always will.

Stephan W

The sinking ship wasn't your life, my beautiful--
it was simply a series of messages, unfairly laid on you
so very long ago.. and in such a way
that they became a way of thinking;

    --and in and through them,   your mind..
      and also your life-view,  was formed.

And so, it wasn't one ship, whose porthole
you finally swam out of,   but many--
each time,  only after
  you had enough love  inside of you
  to be able to embrace the truth--
       ~that now told you that you had to exit the ship
       before it was going to take you down along with it~

It was love, that was able to show you
what was on the other side
and it was love that helped guide you to the surface
every  time you exited the ship
and each time you did, you developed a greater trusting
   of the process..

and each time you swam through the porthole
you looked that much more beautiful to me--

     Your beautiful face, glowing..
     Your gorgeous mouth, so willingly   pressed against mine
        so you could draw into your  own lungs
        the very air of mine that I breathed into you,
        as we both made our way up to the surface.

And slowly, in each ship that you exited,
your mind became more, and more renewed--
All the things that kept your mind and heart away from love
were the very things I would need you to
deal with before I could ever be with you

     or someone like you.

And so it was in my love for you
and desire for you to become whole..
and also, my deep contempt for the messages
that have been so unfairly laid on beautiful ones such as you
that have both  caused me to want to take the time  
to help you see..

That each ship who's furniture you were so tediously polishing
was in fact, sinking to the bottom of the sea..

But it was  you  that had to see it for yourself, Love--
in and through the view and understanding
that what you at one time found valuable and necessary
in its ability to keep you alive,
     now stood in the way of you taking in love--  
     the real thing.

So you see, love.. It couldn't have been just one ship..
but a whole series of ships--
and each one could only be exited once you had enough love inside..
and in truth, our bodies, (in their broken state of being) can only
take in as much love that the grace that we have been given
up to that point will allow..

Which is why the element of time is such an important thing,
and I consider it a great luxury that you and I were able
    to come back together
    time and time again--

               even when both of us thought every-thing was over.

I needed time to keep from continually throwing my phone(s) against the wall
(and out the window),
and you needed time to process what was coming towards you...
(and, also your anger at me)
     for pushing you too hard sometimes ..
     and other times being too harsh, or unfair..
     or from bringing too many of my own issues into the process.

But one thing for me I know for sure is true,
and that is every time you exited that porthole,
you became even more beautiful to me  than ever before
And, with-in the tenderness of your trust..
And the way you pressed your beautiful mouth to mine
as you took my air into your lungs.. as if your own..
     In the curve of your gorgeous hips, as your dress--
                                                          clingi­­ng to your skin..
in that warm, ocean water, as you slipped out of the portal
towards me and then up to the surface with me..
body, pressed against body..  as you took my air in

And the way that you learned along the way
to truly trust.. and take the risk to make your needs known:
   how to ask for help, now--
long before your heart, mind, soul  and that beautiful body
     went into despair--

That you would make your needs known to me
in the most beautiful of ways--
ways, which unknown to you,
     would draw me in-   towards  you
     in such a tremendously, deep way..


And so, you can see that our beautiful friendship was
doomed from the beginning--

   what has happened in my heart now,
              was inevitable,

       and is the outcome of your incredible response
       to all that has come towards you..
                                           from me.

Those ravenous pupils
Eyes like scones looking through
a night of soft porcelain
On the moon
Did you use today?

Eyes glazed astray
After looking at me for so long
Hard and tender

I remember the crystal stars in you shine
within that fermenting distant heart of yours

Feeling their misunderstanding intertwined
so defined; yet hidden from me still  

Bright lights under the cleavage of Paradise
grinning at the idea of one day
sober
changing our lives
forever

Marbled in my decisions
I was still
grounded
I found my way around the corner
as the road steered me to a new dimension. Reality wasn’t real before.

It was just my hologram
Standing before me.
I mastered you.

I felt empowered indeed
And for me you were the source
To the front you always lead
Saying the stage is yours
Though it was hard for me to stand
And to be noticed by all the class
But you made me understand
That courage is needed to progress

You knew exactly the right way
To show the girl who used to hide
I still recall my yesterday
I was your student, you was the guide
You teach, you help, you support too
And here I am passing the test
Of all the professors that I knew
You are definitely the Best!

how can I hear the call
but ignore the cry?

Sitting at our distanced picnic,
a moveable feast in which the scotch eggs
probably have deep significance, I said to you
“We’re only ever inches from the cliff.
If left alone we tread steadily. It’s those
other buggers you have to watch out for.”
and the mist on the windows
stopped us seeing more.