There is a place I want to live
A place called Joy Sea, population: no one
I'd sail on a falling leaf to get there

Yeah I'd wear that cape and crown
Yeah I'd let the sun cast down the golden throne
This new world could be mine to call home

Darkness then begins to set in
When the dawns light casts shadow upon me
My mind was all strung out in the depths
Of Joy Sea

To just wash upon the shores of reality
...again

and i wish you wouldn't compare relationships and tell me how to love because people love differently
some burn forever and some have never seen fire

what i can find

in dark clouds
over shaded fields
inky mouths
after somber dreams

is your love

i sat along the shore, waiting- god knows what for, but i was intent. maybe i was waiting for you to come back, like you always do. maybe i knew you weren't going to.

i could try. i could dream.

the sky went grey with clouds looming like they were full of judgement and not water- my anxiety swelled but i would not be deterred. i was waiting. the rain poured. something was bound to happen, though, and i didn't want to miss it.

the sun fled and the crowd dissipated and the city went on, cars pulsing through its veins but i stayed right there by the water looking out. my heart ached and melted but i swear i felt nothing.

i must've found eighty messages in eighty bottles and they all said the same thing. i didn't listen to a single one. i figured i hallucinated them.

my stomach hallowed and i tried to stand up but the tide dragged me back down. i saw a dolphin chasing a boat about fifty feet away and i tried to call out but it hurt. my lungs were on fire and the back of my throat tasted like bile as if my digestive tract was working on consuming myself, as if i was drowning but i couldn't have been drowning in two inches of water. the tourists with umbrellas and neon towels were long gone and my only company anymore was seaweed.

i was so terrified.


you didn't come back, and you weren't going to, and i knew it from the start but i didn't know what else to do.

at least the saltwater was washing away all the scars you left me. at least the rain would wash away the blood.

I miss you in words that don't exist,
the way the moon misses the sun,
and plants miss rain in a drought.

I miss you in feelings that I don't understand.
When I scan rooms I only search for your face,
but it's never there.

I miss your smile, like I miss warmth,
even when it's sunny I don't feel it on my skin.
Your absence leaves a void,
I just want to be whole again.

i called Jesus today to ask where He put my sweater
that was laying on the edge
of the brown armchair in the living room
but He hasn't called me back yet.

i'd like to think that maybe His phone died,
but i know He's ignoring me
because the phone rings twice
and then goes straight to voicemail.

i wonder if it's because i came home late last night
smelling like ash and whiskey.
He says He can taste how mixed up I am,
and calls me bitter
because i won't let Him kiss me on the mouth.

But i don't want him to know
that Sazerac tastes sweeter than His sermons,
even though it burns like hell.

He says i need to stop drinking, but He doesn't understand.
i need that fire in my throat. i need to be warm.
And He took my only sweater.

Waiting Still for Tomorrow

Deafening tone,
Makes me not alone,
Continually singing a sorrow.
Bring not today,
For I beg keep away,
That lament until Tomorrow.

It whispers so loud,
“You are lost in the crowd,
Lost in a sea of harrow.”
It’s censure grew — strewth!
Mocking my sad truth,
Threatening what follows Tomorrow.

I attempt to evade —
Stopped by a palisade,
Yes, stopped by a wall of yarrow.
Plucking mere few,
Intent to make new,
My wounds and be healed by Tomorrow.

“Sweet yarrow await,
I shall be kept late,
By that tormentor who inflicts sorrow,”
But yarrow soon will fade,
Leave my mind in the shade, and
My heart waiting still for Tomorrow.