I see in her eyes a reflection of my life, our life intertwined.

We are so much a part of each other...

Please don't feel the pain I felt...
I feel.

We are mirrors facing each other, the depth is immeasurable.

Which way to turn? If one shatters, does the other shatter too?

I will face you with strength so that my reflection will give you the power to be wise, aware, and beautiful.  Your spirit will be full of love and hope - and through your reflection back at me...

I will healed.

I fill my arms
    buying comfort
        trying to buy my certainty


there are dark seeds
    pushed into a corner

my arms are tired
            I have carried all this through the day

my feet are tired
            I have carried all this through my years


pushed into a corner they will wait

our home

      small boxes
                   larger boxes

dark corners

   our home


while they wait

i forget
             I forget to wake
                            I forget to make dinner

in the darkness

   there is comfort in forgetting

  
tendrils are spilling out of the cupboard

                 purple and white
                                     curling and searching

                                                 touching every dark corner

these seeds
        they have not forgotten
                                        to search



i will bury my  comfort and certainty in the yard

   we have out grown our boxes

                            searching for the light

the breakfast we never ate...
our bed still warm
waiting for the spoons to return

a voice  
     your little voice…

the table’s weight crashes to the ground…

none of this will return to what it  once was

your small tears can not fix this broken bowl

one song on repeat  

at least its a good one i think…

new bowls
other things to fill them...

how soon we have forgotten  
the bed that wasn’t ready to let us go

tears and laughter
we are broken

our day has just begun.

My mother, just the mother.
Not only a mother, but just my mother and me.
My only confidant. My only support.
My only defender and play pretender.
The only bread winner, my only cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Only my mother and me.
My mother so much more than a mother.
A teacher, my lecturing preacher.
A caring and compassionate one of a kind go getter and my best friend until the end.
Only my mother and me.

How can I possibly raise a baby of my own when I can barely raise myself?

i watched her suffer when the first one was going to a medical school,
knew she would spent years ahead in hell trying to defend her,

i watched her suffer when the second was going to college
and she couldn't afford a proper addition course to make her feel more confident,

i watched her suffer when the third was going to follow the others,
and she was slamming herself bones by bones to make sure she had all the sources,

i watched her suffer and suffer and suffer
for everyone but herself,
and if that doesn't enough to break me in every way possible,
i don't know what else will do.