Media Outlet:

“I just heard the biggest load of ******* today,
This guy had a lot of crazy **** to say.

He was kissing his wife, who suddenly changed form in front of him.
Looking like a scaly, grey-skinned Asian grandma with Kardasian lips, a watermelon for a head, and eyes as black as holes.
He claims not only have these aliens infiltrated our government, but they have infiltrated his love life as well.
The alien apparently knocked him the **** out, and he could not remember much after that.
Then a week later he was found *** naked in the middle of the scorching Sahara desert, baked like a **** in the over turned up way too **** high.

Well if that ain't the biggest load of ******* you people have read today then I don't know what is”.

The Public:

“He is insane!
He is crazy!
If he was a drug he would have been snorted up by the embodiment of *******!
It's like he wrote a script for a b-rated sci-fi movie!”

---

Podcast Host:

“And we are live.
Welcome to the Misfits show.
It is a pleasure to have you joining us today.
Now we were hesitant about bringing you on here becaus-”

Guest:

“Because my name has been demonized by the mainstream media,
literally hundreds, no, thousands, no, millions of articles have been coming out against me, calling me a schizophrenic!”

Podcast Host:

“Yeah, like.....just the other day I saw an article calling you the pinnacle of conspiracy theorists”.

Guest:

“Oh yeah, these people love to **** in the wind, but get shocked when their shoes get all wet.
I am the ******* hurricane that is going to blow all their **** back onto their piggy skins, I am not taking anyone's ****”.

Podcast Host:

“Okay....so how do you defend yourself against these claims?”

Guest:

“Well I ain't gonna lie, you will need to get comfortable for this, because you are in for a ride”.

Podcast Host:

“Um okay, let's hear it then”.

---

You got to believe me when I tell you this story,
it has been removed from our history.

Stay away from that ******* kitty litter,
Don't want no demon cat possessing you and turning you into a crazy cat lady now.
Keep your children away from the kitty litter.
It is making the grass hoppers suicidal,
Got the birds ******* out decomposed snails for other snails to eat to repeat it's cycle.
Don't let it get into your children's heads!


The samurai warriors at the top have grown big *** human tissue farms.
Got cows producing human milk and spiders turning their guts into armour.
They are planting embryos into cows, creating these cow people, striping them of their human rights.
Slaughtering them, putting them on a harvest table for the Buddhists to eat up.
These aliens created the TV, the radio, and the ******* blade runners.
Just so they can get us out of the picture.

They want to play god.
They are at war with our creator.
There is a post human era approaching,
a deal has been struck,
with the shapeshifting transgender lizard people from outerspace!

They got us high on the space winds,
melting minds in a microwave.
I can feel the calming vibrations coming through when blood hits the ground!

Don't call me a schizophrenic!
Let me tell you what a schizophrenic is!
A ****** thinks the sun is following him and that his dog is a government spy.

Question everything that you see,
The universe is infinite,
so don't think you have it all figured out.

You call me crazy!
But you are the one that is crazy!
You are trying to silent me!
Well I will not go down quietly!

You can't half **** this, you have to go ***** deep to find the information.
Now let me continue.

Why would they waste seven pounds of meat?
These little ***** of flesh.
They are keeping them alive and stealing their ******* organs, man.

****** had witches surrounding him and ****,
doing rituals and **** to bring in these big titted alien women,
Smelling the blood of the sacrifice and gobbling it up like ******* sharks.
They seduced little ****** with a big space ship and he just kept bringing them in.

This world is run by demons!
Only the elves can see them.
They stop their hearts to talk to them.
They come out knowing more than any scientist.

These elves can see a future,
a future that doesn't involve us,
they are trying to **** us!

Pin pricked with needles!
Brain drain through cell phone towers!
Microwaved human embryos!
They are softly killing us!
Wake the **** up!

---

Podcast Host:

“..............and that is a wrap, thank you for coming out and sharing that with us. It was really something”

Guest:

“No problem, man. Thank you for having me”

The bees don't care what you say,
The bees go their own way.
Don't be like a monkey,
Rather be like a bee,
You can't tell them what to do,
the bees just defy you.

You can hold down the seas,
but you can't hold down the bees,
Who are you to tell them what to do,
We are the many run by the few.

Newton is my god,
god is good,
god is great.
Forgive me father,
for I have sinned.
I am sorry,
for questioning thee.
Bless upon the fruit that fell and freed us!
Bless upon the monkeys that gave birth to us!
Bless upon the pictures that they painted for us!
Bless upon the cosmic scaled **** that made us!

You are my eyes,
my prophet,
my seer,
my revelator,
put thoughts in my head,
and I will repeat what you have said
Our thoughts are not our own,
We are not safe, even in our home.

Monkey see, monkey do,
we are the many run by the few.
Don't be like a monkey,
rather be like a bee,
don't do what they say,
forget what you have learnt and levitate away.

All my life, I was afraid
Of that cold, sweet object
Freezing my teeth with a mere touch
Damaging them
It came with a variety of forms
From small spheres to large cubes
Packaged inside tiny cups and giant tubs
I couldn't imagine why people would enjoy sinking their teeth into one
And lick their lips in satisfaction

Someone shoved me out of the door
I wanted to shout at that person
But all words were stuck in my throat as I look what was in front of me
A giant mascot on top of a white truck
Its head was swirly, like a spiral staircase
The tip was sharp
Its body brown in color
Holding its big head into place
Its eyes, staring into my soul
Its mouth, elated to see me
Its form, which was my biggest fear

...Ice cream
I screamed