I am here.
It's ok, breath.
I love you.
I know, it's difficult sometimes.
We fall into patterns of wanting to make everyone around us happy. But ourselves.
We sometimes need time to see and realize this.
To recognize what is happening.
We are learning.
It's good you show yourself as you are.
I have your back.
You don't need to control anything or anyone.
Just be and relax.
Just be yourself.
You are safe here.
I am always here for you.

Do you see my long good hair
My golden skin
My slanted eyes
Yes, I'm Mixed
I'm totally the prettiest girl here
I mean come on,
I'm mixed

You ******* wish you were me
Your man wants me
I'll ****** him up quick,
Yes, I'm Mixed
Call me a ***** you're just jealous

I'm mixed
This is how you portray me
I'm only pretty because I'm mixed
I'm only loved because I'm mixed

you say I don't understand being a black woman
My mommas black, my grandmother black and the mother before her was black too
Am I not black and a woman?
that's how she raised me
I understand that black women are treated the worst
I know black women aren't protected
I know black women are under valued
Unappreciated, Abused, used  
I know that black women are strong as ****
I know they're beautiful
I know that they're the blueprint for every Kardashian and Jenner

You say I don't understand the real struggle of being black
I'm not black enough to understand
I don't know how to be black

You say I'm white washed because the way I talk
You say I'm not black because
I don't equate ghetto with being black
I know what my ancestors went through
They fought for our freedom
They fought for equality
They fought for our education
They fought for every opportunity that we have today
I Know our ancestors didn't fight for us to just be equated with ghetto

Yes, I'm mixed
This doesn't excuse the other race of me
They say I'm not Asian enough too
I fight with them too

I'm tired of not fitting in
I'm tired of people nitpicking my percentage
I'm tired of fighting my own identity
I'm tired of being told I'm only special because I'm mixed

I'm Mixed
That doesn't make me special
So, go on tell me what I am
See me how you want to see me
What you say won't change who I am
It doesn't make me any less of what I am
A black and Asian woman or
An Asian and black woman

Yes, I am mixed

Insecurities cloud my mind,
A mother's heart, so intertwined.
Changes sweep, both body and soul,
Yet love for my child, makes me whole.

Though pain may pierce, my spirit's strong,
A mother's love, forever long.
Through tears and fears, I'll persevere,
A beacon of hope, dispelling fear.

So understand, my weary heart,
A mother's love, a work of art.
With every step, I strive to mend,
A mother's love, till the very end.

In childhood, I wonder
What’d be there in the breakdown?
Is just separation, many from single?
Oh! It’s Lovely, breaking makes more
Let’s break something, something huge
My toys were big enough to disintegrate
Succeeded to break with teared eyes
My mother wasn’t happy with my tries
Now at twenty I realized the fact
The mom’s shouting all correct
It’s easy to break harder to join
Like third side of tossing coin
Things rejoin with certain mark
The mark of endless dark
Breakdown is not a solution
Never to break the threads of relation
Whatever we get a crown
Never to get a breakdown
Don’t let anyone to break anything
And remember to
Do what your conscience think.

My mind is aloof.
Not a thought too kind,
Too ignorant for truth.
Though I cannot blame it,
Life is too cruel.
It is afraid
Of it's ailment,
It runs with no fuel.
But here she is,
My little sweet heart.
Pumping love to me,
From the very start.
Turning thoughts of pain
To ones now mild.
For my heart
Is a mother,

And my mind it's child.

I am a priority
And will go where I am made to feel like one
No more coming undone
For someone who built my walls in the first place
My energy is to be earned
I am to be yearned for
The answer to a prayer
Not found elsewhere
I’m rare
No nightmare, a daydream
You won’t want to wake up from

My time is divine
Like the sun, I shine
And some people are going to get burned
Just from admiring my presence
I’m a present
Wrapped in surprises
It’s no disguise
I’m a blessing
Refreshing
There’s no suppressing
The way that I love
It’s loud
Like the roaring of thunder
Like the gun of a hunter
Like the proud mom in the stands at the high school football game
My love is transcendent
A gravitational force
I will never short myself to fit in
When I was born to stand out
When I was raised to honor my authenticity
And find my stability, independently

I’m not desperate for love
When I love myself in abundance
So excuse my reluctance
When you haven’t proven that you’re going to love me right
I might give you a chance
To be the man I said I’ve been looking for
The one to adore me, to treat me like a queen
If I’m not the first thought in your mind in the morning,
I don’t want to be on your mind at all
Won’t be at your beck and call
If you don’t see that I’m a priority

I know what I bring to the table
And if all you come with is a plate,
You’re going to hate when you leave starving
I’m a 5 course meal by my own **** self
I don’t need anyone else to tell me how delicious I am
I feed myself first
Immersed in my own divine aura
I gracefully decline any invitation
That doesn’t pour back into me
Why should I feed a hungry man
Who doesn’t know how to feed himself?

No more benefit of the doubt when all you’ve given is doubt
I’m about to bow out
Not waiting for you to figure out how to love me
I refuse to play that game
Came too far to backtrack now
A setback is a setup for a comeback
And I came back to take care of my own self
And no one can take that from me
Because I’m a priority

Seeing her in her prime made me feel small. She’s beautiful and breathtaking, and I can see why it would be so hard to forget her. Knowing her before she blossomed would’ve been an honor—to know her deepest secrets, to understand her struggles—but not knowing her successes is brutal. I get it. I feel you. But my heart, my mind, my soul crave that connection too. You crave her, you miss her, and I can’t escape her. Her, her, her. Without her, there’s no us. Without her, I can’t fight for you, and I wouldn’t want to. I crave the destruction of my self-worth as I stay with you, watching you admire her from afar. You’re here with me, but you’re really here without her.

I don’t know why my heart loves you so much. I don’t know why my soul cries for you so much. I don’t know why my brain can’t erase you. It’s just my self-worth asking, aching for freedom. I know the love I’m capable of giving. I know the love I’m giving and not receiving. I know the love that will hurt me. I know the love I deserve but don’t crave. I wish it was me instead of her. I wish she’d disappear so I could finally have you to myself. But without her, there is no us. Without her, we can’t prove we belong together. Without her, there’s just no us.