the love inside my heart is there
but it is not resevered for me
i have never had love for myself
i will probally never be able to
but between it all i love my nephew
and my siblings and my parents
but somehow i do not love myself

I.
This is for each time
They told me I was only good with words.
Maybe I did spent too much time discovering words
That I no longer know how to put into good use.

II.
This is for each time
My skin yearned for yours
Your memory etched into the prints of my fingers
It was the first time I thought being alive wasn’t bad after all
But I left before you realize I wasn’t worth falling for.

III.
This is for each time
Your words converted me into a ghost
Floating while screaming, “What is this emptiness?”
Each spoon of salt poured unto my wounds
Became the only confirmation that I was still human.

IV.
This is for each time
My best wasn’t bubbling to the brim,
Not enough to let it flow out of my mouth gracefully, effortlessly
This is for each moment
I choked, pushed, and pulled it out of me
Until I was left with a sour tongue & shaky fingers
But at least I can be of service with whatever spills out.

Hypothetically speaking

What if I never existed?
Mistakes would not be made.

Hypothetically speaking

What if memories of me would disappear?
Sweeter memories would be made

Hypothetically speaking

What if I never walked this road?
There'd be no need for a disappointment such as I

Hypothetically speaking

What if I was never born?
There'd be no need to live a lie

Hypothetically speaking

When I don't exist
let the stars and moon be the only ones
who remember

I was hypothetically here

Do you really think you can fall in love?
You tell yourself that lie
You date, you play, you fall for people
But love? Don’t be silly.
You can’t even love yourself.
Stupid girl, how many will you deceive,
How many people will you corrupt,
Change what “Love” is to them
Just because you can’t find it yourself.
You are weak. You need others don’t you?
You need them, but they’d be better off without you
Well, wouldn’t they?
Say it. Tell them how little you’re worth.
Tell them how you use them to survive,
To feel wanted, and how you want to love them
But you don’t. No matter how hard you try.
Wanna know why?
You can’t fall in love because you don’t deserve too.
They need better than you.
You don’t love, you don’t know the meaning of the word.
So, I’ll ask you again.
Do you really think you can fall in love?