She Tried so hard and it Hurt
             when she Failed

covered in scribbles and light gray lines,
             she couldn’t erase.
sour notes, wrong keys that Frustrated her

                                                            ­ No matter how hard you try

a trail of dust where a ball hit the ground,
             she was out.
so many different ways that Never Quite Satisfied

                                                      ­      No matter how hard you try

smiles in corridors at people and Inwardly,
             she laughed to herself.
Awkward conversations and vital Missing Details

                                                        ­    No matter how hard you try

so many opinions they Hid behind masks,
             she in her room.
word after word that just Couldn’t get the point across

                                                         ­  No matter how hard you try
        
                               ... you will fail
                               ... until you don’t

        She grew impatient.
        She Gave Up.

Chewing the hard burnt bits of cheese off of frozen pizza
I am soft, I am light, I am not giving a single **** about the extra calories I'm consuming at 3 AM.
Ellios.
But from the hospital my mother works at,
must have been reheated a few times now.
I don't ******* care. It's food.

And here I am. Alone in my bed.
Listening to Russian Circles and hoping
it'll help me write something actually worth sharing for once.
Eh, I'd rather not take myself so.

I like a few guys.
I like a girl very much.
I'm starting a new job.
I'm scared of what's to come.
I'm scared of disappointing everyone.
I'm an ellios pizza stowed away as leftovers, a midnight snack.
Hoping to be worthy of praise.
Sprinkled in trader joes seasoning. I'm just so special.
I'm tasty but I'm so much more than I seem.
Cook me in the oven, if you want me crispy.
I cure hangovers.
Just with my fingertips, I promise.
Sleep with me, and see.
You'll see that I'm honest.

You'll be there in the morning.
I might decide to take a hike.
Don't ask me to stay. You don't ever mean that.
I'm fine admiring myself in my frontal camera,
on a lyft ride back home with dancehall music in the background.
I'm worth so much of my own praise that I forget to text you back.

Beautiful is a word
or a thing that you
create inside your mind.
The society is not wrong
to frame the boundary of beauty.
It's just a majority not all.

I know I should not
let anyone's opinion of me
diminish my self worth.
Yet, the second after you told me
you no longer found me desirable,
all the confidence
I had been building up for the past decade
plummeted.
Faster and harder
than any star ever has ever collapsed before;
into this black hole,
which now consumes me.

Every day is the same thing.
Awaking to see what the day brings.
Sometimes, I don’t wanna leave my bed.
Though I face the day ahead.

Meandering through the halls.
Staring blankly at these walls.
My feelings aren’t clear.
All I know anymore is fear.

My hands, shaking.
My confidence, breaking.
My breaths coming in gasps.
Just nothing more than rasps.

I succumb to the ensuring panic
And fall deeper into the Atlantic
Right now, I just feel really small
‘Cause there’s nothing more than the fall.