perhaps the reason why I could never stray away from u
was that you became the catalyst to my discovery of being alive
being alive without restrictions or repercussions
u led me to a point where i was ready to watch my world burn
so that i could see through the smokescreens
and for once and for all , live out the small percentage of having my true freedom

i felt like Maddie, watching you through my phone screen and getting so oddly fascinated by our differences
i only worried about you feeling sorry for myself
but you never made it obvious or real

You didn't save me- you simply were.

when we sat across each other at the table, and you were busy telling me the origins of your name, your likes and dislikes,
your friends and the upcoming party ,
deja vu visited me and said 'do u feel familar?'
i knew this was inevitable now


few first moments of seeing each other in person and we made out in your corridor
i met you 43 full moons ago
half drunk and heartbroken that i was trapped forever
in my small little world
now im the small little being in the big large world

i was cautious and plain and perfect
i now only see beauty and lessons i've gained

i often see you in my dreams
we meet in my messy,cozy room
but you're always telling me something interesting
while i tell myself how to stop thinking about your hands on my face

you were the last matchstick i somehow found
to re kindle my candle that was supposed to be covered in dust
and i happily revel in the warm wax melting through my gullibilty.

"Be careful because once you become a part of the world it becomes a part of you, too?
Because there’s no denying it now. I’m in the world.

And, too, the world is in me."
(excerpts from the book-'everything,everything')

I was bound in chains I could not see,
A prisoner to my own misery.
Whispers of doubt, a crushing weight,
The silent scream of a hopeless state.

I stood in shadows, cold and alone,
With nothing but silence to call my home.
My mind a battlefield, a ceaseless fight,
As day bled into dark, and dark into night.

The mirror showed me a ghost of despair,
A hollow stare with nothing to share.
No light within me, no fire to guide,
Just a wandering soul, nowhere to hide.

Pain was my blanket, fear my friend,
I asked if this was how it would end.
Would I be forever lost, unseen, unheard?
Would my heart stay numb, unfeeling, disturbed?

But even in the darkest of nights,
A flicker of hope would break through the fight.
A whisper, a question, a faint trace of will,
That begged me to rise, to fight, to feel.

"Why?" I asked, when surrender felt near,
"Why should I break, when life’s still here?"
A question so simple, but it tore me apart,
And from the ashes, a spark would start.

With trembling hands and a heart full of fear,
I clung to the light, though it seemed unclear.
Each day I crawled, one step at a time,
Climbing through chaos, through pain so prime.

The days grew longer, the nights more bright,
I learned to trust in the inner fight.
The pain was still there, but I held it tight,
A piece of my past, but not my light.

And now I stand, not unscathed, but free,
A warrior forged from the struggle to be.
I’ve learned that the flame never dies,
It flickers, it falters, but it still flies.

I know now that darkness can’t hold me forever,
That the questions are answers that guide us together.
From the depths of despair, I’ve come to believe,
That no matter the fall, I’ll always rise to achieve.

So I spread my wings, no longer bound,
In the light of my journey, I’ve finally found
That the power within, though tested and torn,
Is a fire that burns, and will never be mourned.

In her presence,
a quiet dawn breaks,
soft and steady,
like the first light of day.

Her heart speaks in whispers,
a language I’ve always known,
no words needed,
just a feeling,
like the earth calling me home.

Her smile is the calm
that stills the storm inside,
a gentle breeze on a restless sea,
where I can find peace,
where I can finally breathe.

She holds the weight of the world
with a grace that never falters,
turning every moment
into something warm,
something true.

I don’t need to understand it all—
I just need to feel it,
this quiet, tender magic
that wraps itself around me,
whispering that it’s okay
to simply be.

And in her gaze,
there’s a garden,
where every part of me can grow,
where every shadow finds its light,
and I can rest
in the softness of her soul.

I live and love as if reborn—
a soul unclenched, no longer torn.
The skies toast me with silver cheers,
a prayer answered through the years.

They come—those laughs, those quiet grins,
in giggles, bursts, and subtle spins.
Joy spills from me, a song unplanned,
like heaven kissed my throat by hand.

Love lives in me, unmasked, awake,
no echo now, no smile that’s fake.
This flight—unreal, yet somehow true—
feels like the stars are shining through.

So bless me once, then bless me more—
this heart has found an open door.
Alive at last, and every time,
my pulse recites a warmer rhyme.

And now—farewell to cries and drains,
the ghosts of sleepless, silent pains.
I’ve stitched my wounds with threads of grace,
and kissed the shadows from my face.

A fresh start waits with arms spread wide—
a softer path, a gentler tide.
Let love come near, with light that stays,
in hugs and hopes and golden days.

Watch me drift, a flame unchained,
laughing where the stars have rained.
The sky broke open just for me—
yes, life still burns—
but now, I burn to be.

From ashes, I rise, no crown, no name,
Forged in fire, untamed by shame.
Each fall, a step, each scar, a light,
In darkness, I carve my endless fight.

I seek no praise, no fleeting fame,
I burn within, I am my flame.
Not for the weak, nor for the crowd—
I rise alone, unbroken, proud.

The world may tremble, the storm may roar,
But I will stand, forever more.
For strength is born from deepest pain,
And through the loss, I’ll rise again.

I lost, I broke, I burned to the ground,
Yet from my ashes, my crown unbound.
Through fire and fury, I carved my way,
Not for the world, but for the price I’d pay.

With sharpened mind and heart untamed,
I faced the void and felt no shame.
I reach for heights no soul has known,
Not for praise, but to claim my throne.

Where meaning blooms through love and pain,
Where every scar is gold to gain.
I’ll fall again—that truth I own,
But in each fall, my strength has grown.

I rise for me, for kin, for fire,
To light the path and take it higher.
Not for envy, nor for fame,
But for love, for will, for the name.

So let them watch, let them see,
What man can be when truly free,
When fire transforms to endless light,
When loss becomes the fuel for might.

Golden I rise, no crown I need,
The gold within is all I’ll heed.
I build, I climb, I break the chain—
For in my soul, the gold remains.

I came from silence, storms inside,
Where shadows spoke and tears would hide.
A boy made iron, flame, and thread,
I stitched my soul where others bled.

I asked the void, “Who am I now?”
No echo came—I made the vow:
To shape my mind, to sharpen steel,
To climb with scars and learn to feel.

I do not beg the stars to shine,
I build my path. The light is mine.
With every fall, I stand and grin—
Each bruise, a door I kick within.

They said, “You’re too much fire, too loud.”
But gold is never meant for crowds.
I chose the pain, the edge, the weight—
For that is where I forge my fate.

I am the man who breaks the wall,
Who walks through loss and loves the fall.
Let life strike hard—I strike it back
With vision fierce and heart intact.

I want the things they say can’t be—
The dreams too vast for eyes to see.
Not just for me, but those I love,
To lift them high, to rise above.

But I will rest, and breathe, and laugh,
And dance on broken aftermath.
For peace is part of power’s flame,
And joy is not a softer game.

I need no crown to know I won—
For I am whole when day is done.
The mirror holds my only prize:
A soul of gold, with fire in eyes.

And when I lose, I lose like kings—
Preparing for far greater things.
My failure’s just my victory’s lap,
A thunderclap before the snap.

And when I win, I build anew,
For others’ hands to climb it too.
Not envy, not control, nor pride—
But love, the storm I hold inside.

So mark these words and hold them tight:
I live for truth, I burn for light.
My name won’t fade, it multiplies—
For I am gold.

Golden, I rise.