one day
always dries the tongue
always tense
future tense
i’m twenty three
i’ve set out to find myself
at least four times
from here
                                                  you can’t see what’s up there
                                  though its walls are made of windows
                                         i was up there once, and looked down

i asked why misunderstanding perception
and learned most of them looked out for the cityscape the lights sometimes.


s was a dancer
stretches and
taps to silent rhythms
knotted in her throat        in thought
sometimes at night
under lover’s sheets
they could flow from her lips
sweet hyperboles
and desperate understatements
and her shoulders would release
too soon
she was dead asleep
      
                                         t   the perfect audience
he was multilingual
even with small phrases and s thought::
please please think bigger
than you and me

t::
i want
shelves full
(with all of your words)
and we’ll cover the living
      walls
with framed cyprus and stone
it’s ok it’s ok it’s ok
today we are twenty three
i can feel your breath on my face
i am not domestic
every place but home
inspires me
a time someday for us
they’ve flourished
snatched in november like everything
gone
tell me
the glory days
are not
over
flow


is it possible
to be blown by what i thought
could never happen     could never have
never be
and
remorse for decaying dreams
                                                          ­                  a bibliothèque   a bibliothek
                                                      ­           its towers pierce through foliage
                                                         ­                               the center caved in
                                                              ­  only the letters b  i  b  l  o remain
                                                          ­   above the threshold    and some
                                                            ­               pages grip tight to the walls
                                                          ­                  insects inhibit the rest

    

  we stretch softer legs like fossilized rock
and feel shame in the pride once taken
in one day   i will give up everything
dance on tuesday nights      worship the sanctity of table talk     early mornings envisioning the thousands of events this corner no doubt witnessed  trek øyangen and for the first time fall so in love with snow and tomorrow feel that same ecstasy for the aegean ultraviolet a



of course there is not   that would be too **** logical


we fill to the brim spill into the other
the first time::
walking conciliation there were at least 8 others  the nervous ha ha release of the shoulders a timid forte   something castle passageway and cruel majesty if i did..no memory of any other exists submerged in the cascade i could tell
                          what was happening it was your turn finally
                  adventure bestowed
                           when i shouted
                                                    ­      italian for
...i know what you mean


other times
it’s boiling      steam clenching the small throat of the
archways screaming
like the baby in the room
hardly air still
dare not breathe
at burned hands only
wanting to
help me   


    october times:
                                                      i wander off the page
                                                            ­      its warm here
                                                     homesick rising   not
                                        for a house or manmade landscape
                                                       ­       i sunk my teeth
                                                       into a chance to hold
                                                        a beloved memory
                                                          ­were you pouring
                                                                ­ into me or i
                                                                ­                 you




—suddenly
location was
absent
only caffeinated confusion
words were never difficult now used all wrong
forte timida
you casually drank your pour over
as i searched for a changed thing

s to t:: how is it that we love so many and need so much more and still have room for each other?


                                   t::            i’ve built you a sanctuary
west coast luxury
east coast 1920
where surrounding trees are ablaze
you will not burn
in a city whose lights have no power over stars
i’ve wrought an iron balcony
for kissing
overlooking
a cobbled courtyard
for mornings
music
go there in the meantime
when you can’t remember
i’ll visit when you want me





my thighs
carry everything
ice cracks cold sweat   ears ringing rejection   history    home moving   not moving defense precision par excellence capablebutyoucutmylegsfromunderme
flying contraption­
leaving that behind
fast evanesce
a pounding like cutting
but breathing
normally

s to t:: only you let me
bleed



the hard-
covers
come
falling
a fantastic mess
the balcony
magnifique on fire

Time to warm up,
My race is impending.
My last prayer to God,
I am sending.

The runners line up, awaiting our cue,
To start the race and run till we're through.

We begin to run at the crack of the gun,
Running and struggling for a good position.

The gap widens as we each run our race,
Some running faster but I keep my own pace.

I keep pushing myself more the further I go,
The results will show my effort I know.

The last lap is coming,
Time to kick in.
My legs tell me, "slow down,"
But I try not to listen.

I push and sprint to the finish line,
I tell myself, "this race is mine."

I cross the finish,
I'm happy it's done.
And to my surprise,
They tell me I've won!

I walk off the track
Happy as can be.
I quickly pray to God,
"Thank you for helping me."

Now this race is over,
But my next race is impending.
Time to prepare,
My last prayers I am sending.

I'm in love with eyes
that can show me their soul
I'm in love with hands
that hold me tight but gently
enough to make me want more
I'm in love with the smiles
that show multiple emotions
I'm in love with that walk
the one that shows that
there was a chip on their shoulder
but they've brushed it off
I'm in love with that stand
The stand that shows
that they've tried so hard
and they've come so far
I'm in love with the perfectly imperfect
And that is where my heart will stay
In love with yours
I'm in love, but I've lost it
It ran from me
hurt and lost
It ran and
I'd do anything to have it run back
or to run into it again

Running far a way...a way from everything and everyone.... running from the butterflies that once were... from the happiness I feel when I'm with you... im leaving everything behind because I feel so stupid so guilty for falling head over heels for you

if you run away
where are you going
and once you get there
how will you get back

are you running to feel free and alive
and will you run back into comforting arms

or are you running from fears, tears, trials or tribulations
and will you have to slowly force yourself to return

to think that running is something good or something bad
something beautiful or something tragic

if you run away
where are you going
and once you get there
how will you get back

The world
is filled with
My painful woes
Torturing me
Each day
With reminders
of what you did.
I am cold
and broken
Unable to comprehend
the situation I am involved in
Shattered by your
False Sense of hope and freedom.
Don't look for me
Because by the time
You find me
I will be gone
Running from the *Dark

I could run right now.

Through the shivers and the smoke smells I realize with supreme clarity:

I could run away and not come back.

I could leave everything

my friends who don't need me

my family who loves me but can never understand,

I could take my solid seeing eyes out of my head

and wander blind

Alone

On my own

with nothing but a new journal without lines and

a couple of used postcards tucked in my pocket.

I could run through wheat fields and get strange tan lines

or I could shiver through the snow and sniff at the sinus problems that are sure to ensue.

I could scream till the birds scram

or I could listen to the silent sounds of the silver forests that are dripping with something serene.

I could lean against stone walls and watch waitresses and grocery boys shuffle past,

living the fast life

while I live the past life.

I could live with two dogs or one dog

or one person for a while but not

Forever.

I could feel the swell of loneliness in a city in something soft

and maybe feel my back press against the line of a stranger's chest.

I could run right now.