Now I understand how relationships oftentimes made me stop progressing and growing. I tried to stay the same deliberately because I was afraid they would stop loving me if I changed.

Thought I was gonna turn my life into something great
Wanted to be loved
Take a deep breath and I Wait
I wanted to be loved
I wanted to be great
I wanted to be your everything and so much more
I wanted to be the man you were always looking for
The one you could not live with out
Forever
Together we would figure it out
I held my breath
Took your hand
Gave you all that I am
Believed in greatness
Now I can’t believe how sour the taste is
How could you do this to my heart?
Waste this
I thought we had something special
Something grand
I thought we spoke a language only lovers could understand though her we are
This side of the bed seems so far
I wake up every day not knowing who we are or how I got these scars
We had forever in our hands
Now you’re just a somebody I do not understand
I held my breath
Thought I found love
A best friend
In the end
I exhaled

You have damaged me very badly
Ensuring that I hate you madly
You have caused me a lot of emotional trauma
By being a queen of sheer drama
You pretended to love me as a friend
Instead, did you trap me in a toxic bond!

You have damaged me very badly
Because, you were only after my money
You are much worse than an enemy
Because, never did you truly want me to be happy
You have caused my self-esteem to crash
For that, you, should God punish!!

You have damaged me very badly
And may be thinking coolly
That you are now going to have a great life
But I warn you, you are going to be in strife
You will get divorced soon
And find yourself alone
Ignored by almost everyone
Finally, will you know then
What it means, to be betrayed
By someone you dearly trusted
Well, now I totally hate you
But I will eventually forgive you
Only because of my love for Jesus
And then I will finally find my inner peace
But you will never find yours
Goodbye and good riddance!!

your loose tobacco is
   still on my bed side dresser.
on a brown rectangle tray
  dried out leaves
    shriveled from lack of moisture
     along side a vase of dead roses.
       even the moon dims it's gaze
       it's silver light thinner without you.
         everything mourns your departure

   this house feels less than in your absence.
    i miss you, so i wear your clothes  
  no longer does lace grace these hips
    nor silk lay on this flesh
      for your palms are far
     from the peach orchard
    heavy showers
  cast dew on hand held mangos.
    it's been days
  since I've coated my pucker
   with red cherries
     for your lip stain is far from me.

       when the moon brings the cold
      the stars spill
      their ***** tonic waters.
     celestial bodies drink and weep
   pouring gallons of salted rose on
  the open wounds in the marsh.
    
         Lilies brush the scent
       of apple crisp,
       that refreshed the skin
        between my breast
        where you laid
         and I cradled your crown
         sweet scents of beautiful
            feathered doves
      
         all the night long
        I seek you in my bed
        where your ghost
       offers a bouquet of ripe
    grapes—their sweetness
    crushed by the weight of waiting  
    reminding me I've pressed your wine
      I tango with the shadow of amor
       keeping this heart beating
        tormented but clinging
          sugar coated covenant promise
             that I'll hide under my tongue
              until the day
               you're back home again.

You are in the corner you backed me into                                                                   ­                                              
 How does it feel to wear the other shoe?                                                                        ­                             
Tables have turned & I'm not going back                                                                         ­                                                  
 to being the rag doll in your attacks                                                                     ­                                               
Who's wearing your pants right now.              
                                                                ­                                               
Who's mouthing off, feeling **** proud?                                                                       ­                                              
Don't you just want to take control?                                                         ­                                                                 ­             
                                                   ­                                                               
 See how really deep you dug your hole?                                                                   ­                                        
I'm sure you don't know what this is                                                                    ­                                                      
  I always sat there & took your ****                                                                        ­                                                       
I think it's about time that you & me                                                                      ­                                       
Changed our shoe's permanently

my longing,
is never fading,
my heart, it keeps invading,

yet,

it consumes,
and blooms,
a harbinger of doom,

it is not nice,
nor worth the price,
doesn't listen to advice,
this creeping vice,

I'll admit it to be true,
for this is my ode to you,
my nemesis,
companion,
and lover,
...food.