i hear your car pull into the driveway
and I rush to close my eyes.

i pull the covers to my shoulders
and pretend that i am sleeping

this has become my ritual

i can hear your key turn in the lock and my heart presses against my ribcage.
i have been waiting for this

you quietly enter our bedroom
the smell of snow follows you in.

silence
(just for a moment.)
then
the rustle of layers being shed

i feel the bed shift as you climb in next to me

slowly
you reach for me
lightly touching my side

in this dark room
i am beaming

'hey'

it's all you say,
but in it i can hear the high note of every love song.

with a smile firmly in place
i slowly open my eyes

only to find myself alone

in a room miles away

Part One particular: How The Soccer Warm Operates.

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?The way the soccer swimming pools functions.
?Definitely not the 'Full Perm.
?Score sketch Range as well as Tactic.

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Ignore the Countrywide Lotto ( space ) doing this sports private pools may be the traditional strategy to convert towels directly into richest.

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There are quite a few Millions of individuals trying to play your hockey swimming pools once a week in england by yourself, and also about ?Your five zillion is invested from the Uk general public within the look for those people incredibly elusive football suits which will result within a rating bring.

These days, a thousand pound goldmine is common. The four primary agencies -- Littlewoods, Vernons, Zetters as well as Brittens -- situation around millions of deals every week. The biggest firm is Littlewoods private pools, which provides available prizes that could reach over ?50 million every year, exercising with ? thousand per week. Invariably of such items usually are distributed, this indicates that will all over 06 , 000, 000 people england on your own have a fiscal curiosity about the particular sports outcomes.

Component A couple of (Not really the 'Full Perm) ( blank ) around the corner.


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i remember the fall
the wheezing hair-raising scream that pierced the air that followed
it was as if my lungs wanted to let the universe know i was about to embark on a trip down to the underworld but settled on a post to social media instead
“the person you are trying to reach is not available right now. they do not know when they’ll be back. but for now, leave a message with your name and contact info at the beep.”
i changed my profile pictures to an ambiguous shadow, shut down my feeds, and disappeared

i didn’t wake up in time
pulled the covers over my head and pretended i was dead
asleep

most nights while i was under, i dreamed vivid dreams that the diabolical freaks that ruthlessly engulfed me had disappeared like i
sometimes still do

most mirrors i looked into were as broken as i was
shards splintered off like the decaying pieces of my emaciated body
my heart was indignant and my brain would have argued back if it had had enough fuel to do so
i remember the charts and the scales the morning weigh ins the
pokingthepokingthepokingthepokingthepokingthepokingthepokingt­hepokingthepokingthepoking
the food diaries the room searches the itchy gowns the smells the eyes the eyes the eyes the envy the eyes
everywhere

i remember fall used to be my favorite season
.

There's only so much pressure
things can take
before they break
or change.

maybe I am broken
or just a diamond
in the rough.

it's hard to tell
some days

but hopefully
one day
it won't be so hard
to tell.

I'm trying so hard
to be the best I can be
but some days
the parts of me
I haven't learned to like
get the best of me
and I don't know how
to piece myself back together
with all my pieces still intact.

I try so hard
to be the best I can be.
just trust that even days like today
still keep me on the path steady
to being the best me
I can be.

Why not take a step towards recovery now?
I can step a away next, if I want to.  
A step might be my only way to find footing
in a space that wants to swallow me whole.
That wants my whole life for nothing.
For appearances and comfort in skin.

No one said it'd be easy.
No one said anything at all actually.
No one really knows
That I desperately seek ways of recovery.

Everything you think you know needs to be forgotten.
It is crucial that your mind be open.
What I need you to know will be disturbing;
Harder to accept and, for me, to cope with.

Blackness surrounds the corners of my vision.
Sometimes when I stare,
My mind is filled with nothing.
While other times, with events that cause despair.

An immense amount of hatred lies within my heart,
Simultaneously an intense amount of love
That will never die down
Only to be discovered in this poem hereof.

Broken in ways I've never known
Triggered by something as simple as a familiar street
One that brings forth so many memories
Ones I wish my mind wouldn't keep.

Speaking the memories aloud burns
My heart, My throat, My eyes
Each time I move further down this road,
I can't help but turn around and hide.

Once there was only dark.. no way out
Tunnel closed
Peeling..wasted..jagged
Not hope but despair
Destruction

These days it's kinda cool
Bright and dancing.
All fixed up and rounded
Mind alive, sparkling.
Delightful