Sometimes I know you don’t know me
You don’t respect me
You accept me like blank stares and awkward silences in dinning rooms
Where I trust you to be to support me
I fall on the unforgiving dirt road of denial

I finally get myself now
Where on the map I am
You my compass
I understand now
You will always lead me away
From blue sky’s to grey


I know now where all my insecurities came to be
Where they grew their roots thick and deep around my soul

The map I read makes it all to clear to see

The sun rose once more, but not the same as the past ones, I face the day not knowing what will happen, but something’s gone and missing and I know that it’s better for me to move on and face forward, not because I want to, but I need to. Maybe we aren’t and maybe we can’t, your sight was never on me and will never be. I was just a Repairman that you only needed at the moment, but as all Repairmen do once they finish repairing something, they relinquish it back to it’s own place, And your place is not with me. You belong to be free and be able to choose what you want and what makes you happy, and I know that I’m not one of those, and I accept that. I hope that he makes you smile more than I do, I wish that he loves you genuinely like I do too. I’ll be lying if I said that I don’t want to forget this feeling, but you can never forget the feeling you felt for someone that made your heart beat with happiness and serendipity, you can only find a love that exceeds the past feelings that you felt, and it *****. Cause I know that these feelings takes a long time to be suppressed. Maybe you’re just a person who came into my life to only serve as a lesson and not a destination.

I went to church today by myself. How hypocritical of me, identifying myself as an atheist but still continuing to attend masses, never missing one.

Everything was normal. The priest started his homily with a joke of how all the restaurants would be filled with families, celebrating father's day. A tear escaped my eye. That's when it hit me, it was father's day. It was a day that for people like me, wasn't special. That's why the church was filled with fathers and soon to be fathers. The priest continued with his homily, saying that fathers should instill and inculcate to their kids the importance of God being the center of one's life. I cried. Not the loud cry, but tears were running down my face. My heart hurts. My heart was crying. Maybe, I was stressed, like I usually am. I was weeping in silence while the priest continued with the mass. Only now have I realized how empty I've become.

Emptiness was a feeling I never knew. It was a feeling I was familiar with but refused to recognize. I was afraid to be weak. The last thing I need was a pity party. But at that moment, I just let the tears stream through my face. I didn't care if people were looking at me with sympathy on their faces. I was suppressing this feeling for so long, that when it was finally released, it felt like my system was being crushed.

Even if you never stood as a father to us, even if you never acknowledged me as your daughter, even if you ruined and altered my life, you will always be my father.

I realized that there is no sense in harboring hatred towards you, you're one of the reasons why I became strong and independent. You're one of the people, who somehow, shaped me into who I am today.

We may never be comfortable with each other, nor speak to one another. Things might never be okay between us, but know that I always acknowledged you as my father even if you never did and I am grateful to you for making me experience life, even though it sometimes *****.

Happy father's day, dad.

You look at the clock.
It's 5 am.
You look around.
Nothing's there.
You look up.
The fan smiles at you.
You look down.
The floor frowns at you.
You look back.
Nothing's there.
You look at the clock.
It's 5 am.
What are you doing?

When I was young, I became infatuated with a girl.
She had hair like the sun and eyes like the sky.
She was in love but she was not in love with me.
I did not understand why she stayed around someone who made her so unhappy.
At the time I had no experience when it came to long term relationships.
I didn't even know what love really was.
I didn't believe that I was ever going to find it.
So, naturally, I was crushed when she did not choose me.
I did not understand why she was with someone for so long who seemed to make her unhappy.
She is now married;
and I now understand why she did not give up everything that she built with that person.
Love is hard.
It is ugly.
It is painful.
Oh, but it is magical;
and when you fall in love, I don't believe you ever truly fall out of love.