How does it feel to be stabbed
Not in the back, but in the chest
Just to make those wretched feelings rest
Stubborness is what caused your mess

You, holder of the sin of lust
Not because of dark conjugation
But wanting for deep and trusted affection
Perish in your despair of wanting it as a must

As your persistence deepens and continue through
The severance of bonds continue, you harvest what you sow
It's your fault anyway, weep down in sorrow
Best leave it be for a better tomorrow

You, the one pursued by this person
Has your thoughts of him worsen
Has his determination, became his execution
Then, admit with volition and deliver him condemnation

Many denied starting a journey
Judging by the long path ahead
Some pioneers walked toward goals
By only small steps one by one

The Devil thought he had me
So many times he tapped me
And said, “Fall in love with this one.”
And I did.

The Devil thought he had me.
So many times love went wrong
He laughed, “He’ll just give up, this one.”
And I laughed.

The Devil thought he had me.
So many times he tried me
And cried, “No true love for this one.”
And I cried.

The Devil thought he had me.
So many times he taught me
And said, “He is stubborn, this one.”
And I learned.

The Devil thought he had me.
So many times I had him
And said, “No, not that one. This one.”
And I loved.

watch the water crash,
the wave slowly crawling up to the tips of your toes,
begging for it just stop,
slow down,

wanting to turn around,
run away from the drips of crystal
but you're froze.

Muscles fight your thoughts,
a civil war within your shaking body,
grasped by the deep tremors.

The pain is just temporary,
but there's nothing more scary.

Water rises higher and higher,
your desperate thoughts turn to
screams.

why even try,
nothing can stop the persistent tide.

you just have to watch,
as it consumes you whole,
poisoning you from the bottom
slowing rising all the way to the shadows in your head.

You did all you could,
besides run.

which you've refused to do.

Get the **** up.

You lay on the ground, self pitying, wondering why you are so helpless and weak.

Get The **** up.

You want to be worth something. You want to feel strong. You want for someone to truly believe you’re good enough.

Get The **** up.

But you’re not. You cannot be. You wish you could be different. In a different body, a different soul, a different life. But you’re you.

Get The **** Up.

Why the **** can’t I just be good enough. Why the **** do I always feel like I’m too weak, there’s someone better, I’m not deserving. Why won’t I stop self pitying.

GET THE **** UP.

I want someone to beat me. I want someone to give me a black eye, kick me while I’m down. Maybe then I’ll feel strong.

Persistence

sometimes i feel like falling down
but only. cause standing up is boring
why am i storming though a season where leaves fall
cause that's norming
bonds break but tears freeze and that's how crystals keep forming

i should test myself
see what i can find
in the life of my time
or at least what i've been prescribed

to put it honestly to wish is to dream
and that is to put it modestly
but to live is to rip your skin from your body
because comfort is a sad commodity
a place holder for
what you're meant to be
but that's placing your bets on destiny
and that's still a dangerous place to me

reach for the stars or
at least set your eyes on a planet that's not ours
maybe mars
that was predictable but it rhymed so
sorry if i'm presenting my ideas as cliche
or despicable
at least i can decipher what i know is unforgivable
a prison is a person who's microsoft-able

but that's just my angst creating a villain
vaporizing vixens are vain to the core
but the haze of pain is still in
only cause that's what they tell me when i want more
more than a ******* juul i'm
too cool to care about my health
cause the moment is now right, until i have to worry about wealth
for my family or my chemical dependence it makes me wince i mean i just want health insurance sorry i'm not used to the governments idea of
assurance
but jesus christ
one nation under god
kids get shot for
mowing the ******* lawn
what kind of world are we living in
**** is fueling the patriarchy for the worser
if a fertilized egg is a candidate for “******”
every single guy walks a around wearing ******* or kappa
donald trump doesn’t drink
pops percocets and ******

i'm swimming and drowning and i need assistance
but it begs the question of thoughts that fester in an enemy
i'm sorry, i know that's not fitting my opinion of the human existence
but why am i creating an enemy when all my life has promised me is the empty shell of persistence

My first year I learned to do my work
The second one I learned to love it too
The third year I learned to talk to people
Finally, I fell in love with you