someone will drive you around the same roads i did
under streetlights at 4am
where our love was
where our love never was

to parks we sat in
wherein we spoke words of compromise
understanding and compassion
where our love was
where our love never was

in your apartment
i held your hands so gingerly
and spoke words of endless devotion
where our love was
where our love never was

//

in your arms
in my mind
in your heart
the place where our love was
the place where our love never was

often i am plagued with sudden perspective shifts into realisations of my poor behaviour
in this change I drearily daydream of a sudden departure from all those who surround me
off on a personal journey of self betterment
a transformation into a far more admirable human
far and away from the impulsivity and naïvete of my current existence
for i have always felt subtle change shocks none.

how precisely this metamorphosis occurs I haven't yet learnt
yet the final goalpost is clear
I return to collective awe from my friends
the weight of my poor eating habits gone
the doubt that choked me replaced with confidence and self assurance
and a burning heart ready to set the world on fire with its unapologetic love.

but as I rub my eyes and awaken from this vision
comes the bleak fact of where I am.
the starting point I always have knelt at, ready to bolt out of the gates
sans the knowledge of how to arrive at the end
perhaps this time I'll shed my gung-** nature first
and i will choose to carefully walk to my destination.

my worst fear has been realised.
the ascending night terrors i begged to be rid of
exploded like a thousand fireworks before my eyes
out of dreamland, into reality.

i swore up and down to myself
that the voices foretelling your inevitable betrayal
were nothing but the howling wind
of my deeply set insecurites.
yet today, it was confirmed.
engraved onto my very eyes,
you with another.
i

am used to this.
the burning and stabbing pain of being forsaken
being used as a fuel to feed another's growth
and when you had finished gulping your massive fill
your doubts were satiated.
like a child, bored of his new toy.
i was but a springboard
for you to launch into someone better.
the inbetweener of lovers
who is doomed to be forgotten
just as he always is.

Believe in me
As I you
Find as our youth
Detaches further
It hurts

I go hard in the club
Double whiskey, that's my drink
I'll meet you in the bathroom
Wash my mouth in a ***** sink
Bus home, charging Love's busted energies
Where the days old dishes drip
with sludge and collect a days old stink
Wrap my head for the pain to come
Sleep ******* thumb, dreading
The numbers will repeat
And replete with melancholy
Accept the pattern will repeat

Believe in me
As I you
Find as our youth
Detaches further
It hurts