i sit in the passenger side of my dads old beat up chevy. it's early october and the rain is pooring down hard, i will be 18 soon. my fathers eyes widen and he stretches out his neck as we stumble upon a burning building. "looks like there must have been some kind of accident." he says sympatheticly. there are fire trucks and ambulances. people surround the building in tears, some wrapped up in blankets, and some hugging one another. but there is one woman who looks very lost, and out of place. she stares up at the building in confusion. her hair is very long and itlooks as if she hasnt brushed it in weeks. her skin is very pail and she wears a pink nightgown, covered in flowers. she looks very feeble and fragile, and as if she might be in her laight 80s. "she didnt make it" someone in the crowd crys out.  the woman stands out, like she's in a fog. and the crowd doesnt even notice her presence as they console one another. the woman turns and looks at me and my father as we slowly drive by. her stare is eerie and unsettling. something about her presence makes my heart feel heavy. and i can't seem to shake the feeling even after she is nolonger in sight. i look back at her, and she's still watching me.  i raise an eyebrow and turn my head back around and sigh. "how terrible."

There once was a girl from Kansas
who didn't approve my "advances"
Her boyfriend would run
Because she was no fun
so began her descent into madness

I had a nightmare I was murdering
clones of political prisoners
with a ****** rifle from afar,
in some modest white trash
suburban house.
One got away wounded.
I thought about how
****** up everything was
and realized I was in a dream,
and started walking around
confidently I was free,
but then paranoid.

I tried stopping a few cars to
ask if I was okay, but they
just passed me by.
I walked up to a woman
getting into a car and asked,
"Am I in a dream or just dizzy?"
She replied,
"You're just dizzy,
do you need me to get a doctor?"

"No, I'm gonna be just fine."

Paranoia
Is RUINING my night.
My chance to escape,
My break from the light.
I love the night,
Just dark,
No light.
Why am I so paranoid tonight?
What's in the dark
Fearsome when it larks.
Why am I scared?
Why is it that I fell I'm being stared? (at)
My time,
My peace.
Why is this getting to me.
For I should not be afraid,
More the less feel shamed.
This is my time.
Me time.
Please-let-me be time  
Please-leave time.
JUST LEAVE ME BE.

my scarred and broken heart, is surrounded by barbed wire.
tell me that you love me, and ill swear that you're a liar.
ive been wounded so many times, that my trust has been destroyed.
along with my sanity. so cynical, and paranoid. 
 
i walk through this cold and crooked world, with anger in my tired eyes,
my hand clinched in a fist, i live a sad and lonely life, in your eyes i barely even exist, i feel like a shell-shocked soldier, just waiting, and praying for the battle to be over, but it all just feels so hopeless. constantly weighed down by this chip on my shoulder.
always keeping you at bay, please dont blame me, it's society, that has tragicly taught me to be this way, please stay.