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Lydeen Dec 2020
Nighttime.
Cars light up my room.

I count.

The moon keeps me awake,
Beaconing.

I can hear you.

Telling me to do it-
Hurt me, you, them...

Everyone.

Thoughts SCREAMING.
Words begging to become actions.

I close my eyes.

Deep, deep, deep breath.
It's just a thought.

Grounded.

Soft sheets, pillows...
Moon, stars, lights.

It's quiet.
:-)
Lev Rosario Nov 2020
Something to think through
When anxiety breaks you
What would Jesus do?
This helps me when I feel anxiety
Lydeen Nov 2020
Feet on the pedals,
Crunchy Gravel.
Sunshine.

Cycling to nowhere,
Round and Round,
Without a care.

Fences and trees,
and paths and leaves.
Laughter. Joy.

Up and Down,
Back and forth,
A circular journey.

Round and round,
Over and over
and over and...

Beginning, middle, end.
Addiction, Recovery, Relapse.
OCD, Depression, Anxiety.

Cycling to nowhere.
Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
Lydeen Nov 2020
One
Two
Three

One
Two
Three

One
One
One...

Oh
See
Dee

O
C
D

­One
Two
Three

Count
The
Tiles

Pick
Your
Cuticles

twitch
Twitch
TWITCH

tick
Tick
T­ICK

too
loud
Too

Loud
TOO
LOUD

Stop!
Stop!
Stop!

Intrusive
Th­oughts...
They're

way
too
loud...

They
Control
Me

One
Two
Thre­e

One
Two
Three

Count
With
Me

Cracks
and
Imperfections

Count
­With
Me

O
C
D
I guess consider this a part two to the first poem I ever wrote on here, which was about seven. I've moved on from seven to three since then.
noelle Nov 2020
everything is lined up perfectly, except my mind.
the urge to fix that blanket consumes me
because if i don't clean,
something bad will happen.

obsessive: unwelcome thoughts, images, urges, worries or doubts that repeatedly appear in my mind

compulsive: repetitive activities that i do to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsession

i am constantly submerged
in an overwhelming amount of anxiety
caused by little things normal people
would never notice.
I don’t want fame or riches
I just want those solid fixes
I don’t want that perfect house
I only want a way out
That everyday
Clarity
And certainty
That my thoughts aren’t me
Just because you have a bad thought that doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person but it’s hard to see that when you have OCD.
It’s the least of my worries
Taxing my car
Or saving up for a house
Or remembering that thing
I was supposed to remember
Or anything really
Or passing that test
Getting into that school
Acing that interview
Getting that job
That pays enough
That allows me to progress
Progress?

I hadn’t even thought about that.
I hadn’t thought about any of it.

I think
about one thing
I obsess
I compulse
Or do I?
Is what I do when I
Think about that thing
I always think about
A compulsion?
Because if it’s not then
Can it be called
OCD?
And if it’s not
That means it’s me
And the thing I always think
About
is true

I know it’s irrational
But what if it’s not?
Maybe it just makes me feel better
To think that it is

See, who has time for rational worries
When you’re so full up with
Irrational one’s?
A poem about my struggles with OCD
ejb Oct 2020
my bed sheet is upside down and all I ever do is frown
my hands crack like dirt in a painstaking drought
the rain keeps on falling but it never hits the ground
my wrists act like a bridge from the dry land to the sea
the sea is big & bold & proud but I'm still afraid I'll drown
there are rocks upon my shoulders that pull them to the sky
my head is tilted to the left and everything feels wrong
my hair sits upon my neck and it catches what's inside
I won't close my eyes cause the darkness is too bright
if I can't hear every last sound I will never be calmed down
my throat is always dry from choking on my words
my collarbones went missing back in 2013
I found them back in June but all they ever do is ache
as the smoke fills my lungs it scares away the bugs
my heart is skipping every beat and it never takes a break
my stomach always churns but no pain ever feels the same
my hips can move with ease but hide inside their shirt
my legs are filled with sand and I want to clean them out
my knees are always tight as they knock across the ground
my ankles are slowly separating and cannot stay the same
my feet are made of sponges and cannot be exposed
I try to keep them covered but I feel trapped inside my socks
my body aches & shakes & screams
it's always talking right to me
but it's really good at lying while I turn from side to side
my skin is tangled up in thoughts
and there's a rats nest in my mind
I wrote this a while back to try and explain how my mind and body feel. A lot of this is related to my OCD and my arthritis.
Nikki Oct 2020
I feel as if I have a tainted mind, I reminisce about a false narrative to make me feel in constant pain and disgust from myself. Self loathing has became an art to me, and I can’t prevent the ruminating thoughts. Redundant for years to months to minutes of my mind putting horns on my head and saying I’m pure sin. My skin painted red. My eyes are black. I demonize and reflect then demonize again because I have blamed everything that has happened in my life on myself. My heart cries for me to stop but my mind has drawn to the conclusion that it must be this way, it is this way. It feels selfish of me to be around others because they can smell the self loathing lingering around my body. I don’t know if I try not to hate myself or if I ignore myself so I don’t have to come face to face of who I’ve become and what I’m not.
Idk how to write poetry
jm Sep 2020
shoes tap and kick softly to an undetectable melody
the slightest sensations seem to be overwhelming
a moving hair,
a twinge of numbness,
ah, there’s the familiar *****.
looking down to my hands, the bud blooms
and cascades down my thumb.
it's revolting..
..but i can't stop
the obsession that plagues my life
someday i fear it will be too controlling
and that i will succumb to its demands,
but for now, i’ll just watch
too scared to reach out,
too scared of change.
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