In a tragic of despair
that she could espy of something unseen
but what I know now in the nowhereness of triumph is the oblivion that’s long forsaken . My mother, the earth , has loved the truth of my words . My mother of memories, where my intricate roots embedded in her many wombs , with her,
my mother who is the mind to my soul, with her crystal teeth, puncturing the veins of my spirit, I am uncured from the illness of illusion.
with the love that is filled with the sickness of the cerebral ;
that every nerves, they only now yearn to forget, to erase, to delete,
what should never end , will ;
of those forward to ,
is like catching light,
my mother's arms, wrapping my dead body,
for that great freedom that ought demands
but now encountered swords that I see no farther onward impulse stirr'd,
from every dew-drop in this sequestered heart.
it inculpates the soul’s wigwam,
to love , that is unpure
powered of perception ;
for me , do so as what say I
the abyss will never know -- without noise, bad field of unfamiliarity, to create the creation of layers, layers of spectre, phantasm, apparition;
I exorcise & exterminate this being of nothingness, name that is uncelebrated ; & be merrily skipping in their long farewell,
you gave your face , I gave mine
& there shall be a bow of
hypothesis, musings, mirage

I inject, dementia
trying responsibly to digest over
my own ignis fatuus
/
there will be hanging gardens
the commotion of untendered bones
down beneath your cloaks,
knowing sympathy, to bully an empathy
death come, came & in repeat
through the lullaby of Antioch,
sorrow wholly unexpected, in scarcely discernable; but far descried
black winged demon vanished through the chested barrier of feelings, when justice lynchings in the centre of my core,

twixt vows, where from descended upon myself alone, indecent, in deep scrutiny —

“hello, my name is solar.
weird name, right?
i grew up in heaven,
it was really beautiful,
everyone dressed in white,
being happy,
flying with their white,
feathery, soft,
wings.

i’m different.
dark purple hair,
a few strands of white and black,
long hair.
black angel wings,
elf ears (as a child),
devil eyes,
wolf ears and tail.
i’m exactly what you think i am,
a monster.

i grew up with mostly white hair,
a few strands of black,
and an ombré from white to purple,
elf ears,
soft angel wings tinted grey.
i was adorable.
i was the queens daughter,
my father however,
the king of the underground nation,
known as hell.

12 years old.
so many bad things happened.

i was in bed, falling asleep,
i was carried onto a bench,
normal so far until,
i felt my limbs being chained down.
he was on me.
my father ***** me that night.  

i fell emotionless after that.

8 months later,
my baby boy
came earlier than expected.

thomas.
his name was thomas.
my baby thomas.
my thomas.
my son thomas.

i get banished from heaven the next year, leaving my son with my mother
she adored him
i found out i had an older brother

my brothers name is shadow
he’s great,
so caring, loving,
he helped me when i needed

2 years later
i’m 15
i visit my son after 3 years,
it’s his 3rd birthday.
i walk up the stairs to my mother’s
upstairs loft
i reach halfway,
i see my father,
throwing something.

thomas,

he’s throwing my baby
thomas into the fire.

i ran up the stairs, jumping into the fire to save my baby boy.

he’s gone.
ashes
everywhere.

where is my little boy?

i get pulled out.
i heal imedietly due to my “power.”

i’m sobbing.
i feel the kicks and punches hitting me.
i look up,
i’m on the floor, all i can see is red.
my father, standing their with his
blood soaked claws.

i sit myself up, trembling.
my neck, cut deeply
my arms, scratched so severely
my legs, bleeding
my white dress, was required to be worn
as the “princess of heaven/angels,” stained blood red.

i crawl to the edge of the land of heaven, staring down at my home, earth

i suddenly feel a kick.
i’ve been kicked down to earth,
i watch as heaven drifts further away from me.

it’s been 4 years.
i’m 19 now.
i visit my son in hell’s dungeon.
i’ve met my little sister.”

I found the Fountain of Youth.
I’ll tell you where it is:
It’s been inside you all along.
Now enjoy your life, and live.

I sell my soul
for a pre-made bed
I give myself whole
for a sleeping spot in your head

I give my blood
for sacrifical purposes
I crawl through mud
til I no longer feel the worthlessness

I shed my fears
and all my dark feathers too
I spill them like tears
They fall of my leafs like new day dew

I pull out all my flowers
and plant them close to you
they will grow and become towers
which can only hold things that are true

And as my demons come for my lungs and liver
my hive heart will send all my bees
so these towers never wither
and this love never leaves

You're trying to see
what it is she makes of thee
Flesh always burning
Bones always shaking
Head's always turning
to see many eyes waking

This bee hive heart is beating
dripping with golden excitement
watch wings stripping, flight of perceiving
she's reckless with incitement
Brain's buzzing
from all the lusting

What have you done
Lord of crimson?
Where do you want her to put all these dreams?
She's near, her slender feet walk on
Her newly sharpened tongue knows of no fears

Neither young nor old
either shy or bold
of this golden crowned goddess you shall behold
in your dreams she eats you whole,
that's what's been told