I turn my pain into pleasure
By hardening my heart
My only way out forever
Keeps me from falling apart

I turn my pain into beauty
But it is slowly killing me
Without hesitation, absorb it
Like a sponge, bit by bit.

It's like my burden to bear
It numbs me down
I feel like I don't care
I feel invincible
Like I'm floating on air
The side effects are bad
Although I may look glad
It got me feeling kind of sad
(And it is making me mad)

Surprised that I distrust myself,
You don't even trust me!
Just living the way I'm raised,
But is that the way to be?

Do not like my different ways,
Say it's okay to be unique!

Your sayings alarm me
Your paradox knocks me,
Your words confuse me,
Your words are, you act so
Confusingly contradictory.

Trying to preserve what's left of me,
In terms of my sanity.

Life: school + work breaks,
I need a break
Life: school + work breaks,
I need a break

Before it breaks me.

I'm not afraid to hurt
Won't let anyone get into my way
That includes all of you,
And also me.

I'm slaying,
Decaying,
This is the life I'm living.

Still taking
Mind-breaking;
This is the skin I'm in.

Unnecessary work of art;
Cursed to write down my heart,
Most of the time, life's hard.
Nonphysical *******, charmed:
I harm, I harm
(Me).

Unnecessary emotion
Eternal confusion
Darkness and light fusion
No reality, just perception
Used up 'till done
(Me).

Grasping for the air in my gasp,
Uneverlasting, all good things come to an end
Water too deep, I cannot reach
I must be glad, for I won't last.

Clinging to the air in my lungs,
With last breath singing, life or death do not belong
Much oxygen, won't come within,
I'm somewhat mad, won't let me last.

Chasing the things unreachable
I'm never changing, yet rearrangeable,
Barrier so thick, can't feel your hits,
I'm good you're sad, won't see me last.

Falling, hoping that it's to soar
Cranium hawling, I don't like, but get more
Air rush through crease, my wings released
Falling to death, can't **** me, yet.

Shut up!
They shot me down,
Speak out and I'll be "abused,"
I hate it when you "possess" me,
I'm feeling so used.

Shut up...
Can't speak out...You must.. leave...

In the belly of the beast,
We shall feast
On ourselves released
In the eye of the eel,
We see and feel
Schizophrenia revealed

I'm not myself anymore,
I AM MANY!
Hopeful but ignored,
I AM SCHIZZY!
I'm Joenymous,
I'm Johannah,
But truely not, only if I must.

In the claws of the cruel,
O'er me they rule.
They reject wisdom.
The kingdom come,
I'll try to see.
Being not ourselves,
That's what we must pretend to be.

What's the meaning to begin
And continue till the end
The answers are hidden in my fading soul.

They are staring right at me
Why won't anyone believe?
As I'm looking out my window,
They wave goodbye.

Everything is said and done,
Everyone as had their fun,
Time to make my exit from this fairytale.
My departure was foreseen
From the very beginning,
Living life live of full sanity, goodbye.

Hello me,
It's nice to meet you,
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
It said:
"Goodbye, my dear sweetheart,
It was so nice to meet you,
Oh my, we haven't talked in quite a while!"

Insanity,
The weight of the air is torture.
Psychopathy,
Breathing's not natural anymore
Insanity,
The illusion of ignorance
Captivity,
Forever doing a puppet's dance.

Insanity,
It's like i'm floating on air
Psychopathy,
Live life with too many cares.
Insanity,
These illusion never end.
Captivity,
Behind bars that never bend.

The corruption goes on...

Sanity...
Light is peeking through the darkness,
Purity...
Don't feel anymore of the stress.
Sanity...
It's already fading away...
Cruelty...
DARKNESS GOT A HOLD OF ME!!!

I think the problem with me is that I expect so much from so little.
I try to force things that I want to last knowing that it's not going to work.
I try to mend things that don't need to be mended.
I think with my mind rather than my heart.
I'm aware of when I'm doing something wrong but in the heat of the moment persuaded that it's okay.
I try to fix things that I purposely tried to break.
I try to trigger emotions out of people when my mind feels insecure.
Then try to play victim by using quotes that right my wrongs.
I know what I'm doing.
It has became a habit over time.
Now I don't know how to stop but I want to.
My confused feelings are consuming my mind.
I do temporary stuff that ruins something that could've lasted for a lifetime.
& now it's too late. I always think.
"Hurt them before they hurt you."
But majority of the time, they're not wanting to hurt me.