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Daiyzah Jan 2018
I think the problem with me is that I expect so much from so little.
I try to force things that I want to last knowing that it's not going to work.
I try to mend things that don't need to be mended.
I think with my mind rather than my heart.
I'm aware of when I'm doing something wrong but in the heat of the moment persuaded that it's okay.
I try to fix things that I purposely tried to break.
I try to trigger emotions out of people when my mind feels insecure.
Then try to play victim by using quotes that right my wrongs.
I know what I'm doing.
It has became a habit over time.
Now I don't know how to stop but I want to.
My confused feelings are consuming my mind.
I do temporary stuff that ruins something that could've lasted for a lifetime.
& now it's too late. I always think.
"Hurt them before they hurt you."
But majority of the time, they're not wanting to hurt me.
This poem is a poem I wrote May 31,2017 and I am just now posting it. I lost the motivation to continue to write but hopefully this brings my passion back.
Dear paper,

I sincerely apologise for constantly coming to you for comfort, but you are the only form of calmness I have in the midst of this madness.

No other embrace is as sweet as yours when my hands begin to shake and I seem to misplace my mind.

You take me as I am, even with my daunting cloud of troubles, and hold my thoughts until I regain clarity.

Sanity seems to be so elusive, slipping out of my grasp each time I clasp at it like a silk skinned eel.

But here you are, as immovable as a rock, as honest as a blade, yet as fragile as these glass windows I peer out of for inspiration.

Never have I felt so free while placing a piece of myself behind your bars.

Tranquility is only a touch away when I’m with you.

But once the waves of euphoria subside, and the hurdles placed in front of me become too  towering-I see no other option.

I load my clip full of thoughts into this 1.2mm ballpoint pen and pull the trigger, then watch it penetrate my heart and **** my anxiety.


— The End —