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I comment “yes daddy” on your videos
You comment “prettiest gurl” on my photos
We are just friends, but just maybe, just maybe we want something more.

a memory

the delhi monsoon, 2016
smashed inkpot like the sky
my head on the bus’s window
yours too
i said, “so what’s up?”

from there you would often turn around, have a look at me, shake your head, let out a shaky breath, give me that lazy smile and your eyes would be showing adoration, you would turn back and answer to my many questions

we talked about our classes, our future maybe not as a pair but as individuals

at some point, you and I started talking about politics, developing ideas out of the very little information that we had.

at some point, you and I started talking about art, dancing our fingers on the glass, creating figures and emotions.

at some point, we got to school

you stood behind me, the kids were just too slow, because the hormones had yet to be released, you were a little taller than me, your head dropped, and you whispered, "I want to be in the same class"

and both of us grinned, pushing all our feelings out, somewhere gloomy, twilight-like, dark and unseen.

you introduced me to your sister
you told me that you wanted to pursue sports
you said will talk to later

neither did you pursue sports nor did we talk again in person

I'm spinning in circles, wanting someone who might be mine, but I'm too scared to do that, trying to make myself believe that you really don't exist. I'm ******* selfish, yeah.

trapped here with the weight of memories and emotions that I don't want to revisit.

boy, boys are bad for you, I am telling you.
Aashi Sinha Sep 5
i met a boy
he looked like everything i want right now
he liked dominos
he liked taking risks
he is dumb
he said
he liked me

i talked to a boy
he was all creative and idiotic, yellow and blue
he wanted to talk
he tried to talk
he and I read together
he said
he liked me

i sat with a boy
he was all cricket and fans
he wanted my number
he tried getting my number
he left
he said
he liked me

i got a text from a boy
he was all mainstream youtube, gangster rap and football
he is a golden boy
riding off into the sunset
without the care of the world
with someone
but
not
me
he said
he liked me

i maybe understood a boy
sluggish smile, innocent eyes, ****** tongue, hate for dank, unfulfilled promises, sugary vows of freedom and love, switching sports, introduction to the family before dawn and introduction to the friends at midnight
he said
he loved me

i loved a boy
even if he loved TikTok rap more than me, loved action movies more than me, loved hide and seek more than me, loves other girls more than me

i like a boy
he probably disabled his account, he won't do that to me. he is fine, i know that
karma is it?
well **** it

i want you back, ******* send him back, i'd crack my knuckles, hold your hand, grip your fingers, turn them over, curl them around, make a ****** clump of flesh, broken bones and promises

i wanna be yours

2 days after your birthday, pumpkin skies and smog

we talked on a crisp noon, your mom wasn't home, threw adorable nothings at each other, told things we've been hiding for too long

we stayed till spring when the sweet love had started to blossom.

he said
he was sorry

and
i didn't get to say anything.
story time
Aashi Sinha Sep 4
breathing quickening, pillow over the head, eyes open, brain dead

alive yet dead

black wings, pretty eyes, thick thighs, wide cheeky smiles, can chuck out people's lungs for soft words in return

hardened, dark, dusty, wrapped in shiny black clothes with secrets, scars and threads

brain so colourful will get colourblind soon

hands catching gentle water kisses, losers they are
failing to gravity, failing
put the feet on the floor, forgot to tell--****
gravity they call


hot, hot, cold, cold, cold, cold

volcanic, explosive, misguided conversations, orange fingertips, blue knuckles, purple lips, green heart and round hips
Aashi Sinha Sep 4
In the dark i saw you, bathed in yellow and blue
yellow and blue
happy, true?

i love it all, red, yellow, green, eyes, freckles, the beauty spots, silly whatnots
i love it all, the tired eyes, the voice, his voice, his touch, his sighs, his hugs, his writing, everything, his everything, and travis scott while maths

joji, jeans, games, memes, science, print, morals, snap, memories, Heart, Full, Yet, Feels, Like, Nothing

F1 generation pain
Aashi Sinha Sep 4
red eyes, green wine, weak smiles, hollow cheeks, shallow drips.

Dark, not Black.

a desire to be linear, now crowded with curves
sickly sweet
sarcastically sour
no longer sweet, just sour


hot on cold, cold on hot, sweet and sour but sour and sour
tick tick tick, did it feel?
tick tick tick, did you feel?
failed when born, how can change it all, before dawn?
Aashi Sinha Sep 3
a dry leaf on a cemented ground, me chasing you all around, is really everything fine?

Shocked to the core

i want it, i need it, it’s not
come and go
come and go
come and go
come and go,
it’s
stay.

entangled legs and intertwined fingers, velvet sheets and sweet lies
searching for you between atoms and skin cracks, you were here, right here, right now, where did you go?

white noise, the crackle of static, rain on me, Joji, the ocean between us, darkness surrounds u-- me.

— The End —