i am an addict.
i have always been an addict since as far as i can remember
i easily get addicted
to people
to bad habits
to drugs and alcohol
to the past
i am an addict
but i don't want to be one anymore
i am letting go of the people i put far too much time into
too much emotion and care without getting anything in return
i am done letting the people who dont care about me to have so much power over me
i am go of bad habits
i am done hurting myself, this one is going to be hard because self-harm is the best way i know how to cope with how i am feeling. i know its not healthy and hurting myself may make me feel better at the moment but will only make things worse
i am letting go of drugs and alcohol. i cant keep ruining my life just to escape reality for a bit then just snap back into reality and do it again. my body is my home and whether i like it or not it will always be. i need to take care of myself
and finally, i am letting go of the past
i need to stop reminiscing about the past and only think about the present and future
i cant change anything that has happened, i cant make the people who have left my past and i definitely cant force broken bonds back to normal no matter how much it hurts
i am an addict
and i have been for as long as far as i can remember
but i dont want to be one anymore
dear clayton,
very formal i know ****. but this poem is kind of for you but more for myself. you just helped me realize i spend way to much time caring about other people and focusing on them instead of myself. i care about you a lot and i dont think that will ever change but since we started talking again ive been so hung up in how we used to be and trying to force us back to that even though that will never happen. we can be a new us but its never going to be the same. i am completely over you now but talking to you just brought back those feelings but i now realize they werent real and i just missed loving someone as much as i loved you so i forced those feelings back. but it doesnt work like that. you hurt me a lot, like a lot, yet you somehow still have so much power over me, i trust you so much even though you give me no reason to and i would literally do anything to make you happy even though itll hurt me, and thats not ok. i still want you to be my friend but i need you to give me a reason for me to want to do that, but if you dont want to talk thats completely ok. i dont know youre probably never going to read this anyways. goodnight, i love you as a friend
