To live in glee
January 31, 1935
Ottawa…..
To rest in peace
October 15, 2024
Ottawa

Time
The present carries you along, the past
Unwinds behind, time’s arrow
Keeps the future up ahead.  
That’s how it’s always been, but now
The present slips away, leaves the future in the past,
  and disappears.
You’d follow but the present’s gone, moved on,
Left you behind,
In a future that’s already out of date,
But still enough to knock you down.

Change
Things change without you—
What seemed stable disappears,
Your horizon shrinks to nothing,
The future surrounds you,
And everything is stranger than you imagined.

Keeping up
You hesitate along the way,
Say that’s enough to this and that
But keep up with the rest,
Until you say to what remains
This far but no farther
This much but no more.
            
Memory        
When asked—
You find your reasons are in the past,
With gaps and pages missing,      
And certainties uncertain,
Planets in motion, pulled loose from their stars,
Leave you in silence.

Thy evening candle’s flicker glows like stars at night
Through gentle breezes borne by evening’s smoke
Debris left by day’s fierce returning flare
Best known in twilight’s tending, hidden care
From dawn to dusk the candle endures,
Once belonged to the man who’d take walks by the shores
For his imprint on the earth is forever spoke
By the chirps of the birds and melted wax on the floors
Of mother earth’s grassy plains
And in the memories of those who by his passing have been torn
Though unspoken wishes remain,
Once let by his tongue, in the rain he adored.
Clinging desperately onto the wind that carries
Until his words are lost in thy golden flame,
And his speech gone in dust by it’s own accord.

Memories so far beyond reach
Passage through my mind I beseech
Battle for a thought
Both parties distraught
Truth doubtlessly corrupts in speech

You remind me of me
I can feel all the hate surface
the pain that I buried
(it has since grown roots and leaves)
I don't wish to face it
yet I must
so I try
to open windows
show you the thunder and lightning
and you run the other way
but now it rains in your bedroom
and you lay cold on the couch
stare at the ceiling
blame me for ever opening a window
Like the weight of the roof was held together
by its broken glass

You push me away
but you remind me of me
and I cannot stop hating
the love I carry for you (and me)
the parallels are drawn

I have known this
The desire to leave everything
and run far away
but where can you run to
when the ceiling is a thunderstorm
and it rains outside your window
(you can't)

you sleep in puddles of your losses
and I simply watch
wishing you didn't remind me of me
hoping you will learn to let the sun in
repair the roof in days to come
and somehow I will not hate
the part of me
that loves you

found myself feigning to be real,
    believe I'm pretending to conceal,
how little could one know ones life?
    even less do I know mine own strife

asked a fact only I could know,
    to not say, I would now have to show,
weak records from which to assess,
    so I craft an educated guess

focused on a fading charade,
    remaining brainpower working hard,
keeping the trust of my allies,
    to do so - I must stand my lies

hexed with an unbreakable curse,
    staying here - would only make it worse,
not long before all is forgotten,
    mind, memory and past turned rotten

prior to a bare dream land,
    with consciousness scarce in hand,
the moment right before sleep,
    appear depictions mind wont keep.

vivid images now unfurled,
    an immense, graphic, real new world,
visions of intricate detail,
    astound endlessly without fail

though this night I value most,
    looking back - it seems a ghost,
is this how the others see?
    given this gift - who could I be?

maybe I had this skill before?
    with this mind, could I be sure?
now to know what I am missing,
    is it a curse or is this a blessing?

Imagine living your whole life with memory loss..

Now forever in Love
with all the wonders,
all the dreams,
all the inspiration
your mind and heart has ever
pondered on, chased and sought after,
never realizing whatever you’ve always Loved is infact a story about yourself,
your soul.

Imagine reading a story to yourself about the parts of you, you have forgotten was You all along..

T'would be grim to share a life with me,
    Meets no reminisce with memory,
When on our favorite day of all,
    I'm left with nothing to recall.

Our guests arrive, the altar manned,
    I see you, your heart and your hand,
Held so close then kissed so tight,
    Receding visions of that night.

The pacts, promises that we'd taken,
    I would retain them - I'd be mistaken,
And when we both pronounce "I do",
    I won't remember - it's up to you.