The vigor I took to flight
Fails to make a landing
Then flies away from me
I see it flapping its wings
And laughing in my face
Like a school ground bully
Laughing at the pretty boys
So shamefully faking
A mad ruthlessness
With no cause or call to act
Their juvenile jealousy
Is invisible only to they - them
For who wouldn't want to fly?

There’s a buzzing energy inside of me
I bounce from wall to wall
Ideas come and go
Scribbles of nonsense on plenty of paper
My mind is racing
It’s as fast as carousel
And I can’t seem to get off of it

I am a high level being
God is talking to me
He’s telling me I must sacrifice myself
These scars on my body tell different stories

The smallest bit of rationality tells me:
Take your medication
Talk to your support system
Call your therapist or psychiatrist

Oh, but manic me refuses
Manic me has cravings
That must be addressed
I must shop until my bank account is in the negatives
I must ******* until my fingers are numb
I must clean until there is nothing
Left to change
I must, I must, I must

But I can’t
Because I can’t seem to get out of bed
Because I scream at my family
When they least deserve it
Because I burst into tears
When I can’t figure out
Who I am anymore

Can’t you see?
This is a mixed episode
I’m trapped, stuck and alone
But just remember,
Despite all this

You can’t stop me
Why can you see?
I am invincible
I am invincible
Oh yes, I’m invincible

he’s larger than life,
a caricature of patriotism
in a thompson-esque world
of mania and devilish charm.
one hand on my waist,
the other on his new pistol;
puts me in a trance
watching him smoke cuban missiles.
sirens crying out at sea
won’t lure him into turquoise waves.
swears he’s from the tribe
that calls appalachia home,
but the mountains vehemently refuse;
cherokee roots thatta ways don’t grow.
i wished for his violent affection;
it felt like heaven’s projection,
but when i found a life worth living for
freedom he wasn’t willing to award.
swore he’d buy me the stars and
bestow a nomadic nebula to me,
but only if i sold him my soul
and gave him my castle’s key.
no amount of holy white flames
will devour the fingerprints and dirt
he coated my exquisite flesh in,
but i can paint them to show
the horrors from which i’ll grow.
strangled up in ivy and a kaleidoscopic spin,
breathing my vows while he dips me, achilles,
in that vile city river of sin.

Naked and so very cold on the floor,
Lost in the volatility of my emotions,
Consumed by the forest of my thoughts.
How I long for the solace of sleep,
If only the medicine would kick in,
Pulsing through my veins for the last
Weary bit of my mania,
Attempting to reduce the heat under my overflowing ***.
Dying feels like a release from this hell,
An in between of too much and not enough.
With a coin in bipolar coffer,
My soul springs free,
But I have already given so much.
I do not travel there,
Near the edge,
For I am so excited by possibilities,
But my chest aches with the sadness of this cycle.
I miss me.
If only I could find her.

It’s a light touch
Because I didn’t sleep.
I’m like a fairy on my feet,
Buzzing as I run these halls.
Try and keep up as I speak.
And they always told me
What goes up, it must come down,
But I just note the world
Endlessly goes round and round,
And please don’t call me
Back from this ledge, from the edge, this epiphany.
Mania is like all the world shone a light inside of me.
It’s too bright.
I try to close my eyes but it’s too bright.
Someone say the party’s over.
Send the voices home.
I don’t like the way they sound.
I’ll be better
6 to 21 days from now.