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You'd think 4 years would be enough
I longed for control and then I lost it
In this cruel cruel cycle

Binge
1000's of calories
guilt
shame
bloating
I feel control when my stomach hurts
I feel comfort

Restrict  
10's of calories
euphoria
shame
grumbling
I feel control when my stomach rumbles
I feel beautiful

This cycle is meant to be a form of control
but here I am
bingeing and restricting
until I can purge this hurt
This is a first
The first time someone has loved me more than I love them
The first time where i have someone close by to hold me tight
The first time I held hands in the hallway
The first time I've worried about PDA
But you want another first
And well


It'll never last
Even I am interpreting this two ways, a humorous way and a serious way. Not sure which one I prefer.
I am empty yet full
I see your face and hear your voice
Drained and filled
Dismal and wonderful

What is this power
And Why do you hold it
All i want to do is run
Direction unknown
I never want to forget
But i don’t want to think.

It could be over if i let it
But i don’t have that power
Time possesses that.
I don’t want it exercised

My beauty how you are the light
And the darkness
I love you and hate you
And every emotion in between

Complexity at its finest
I wrote this poem about a girl I fell in love with one summer.I hope you enjoy!

— The End —