Candles are lit inside
then blown out by
I don't know what.
The breath that comes
Out of nowhere
and changes the light.
Darkness becomes everything.
Shown in my eyes with
blood shots and twitches.
Trying to breathe myself and
pictures in my mind are flipped through
as if there are photo albums in my cranium.
First is the picture of the kids who crowded me
at the playground and mocked me.
Second is the teacher who introduced my failed grade and others saw me as less.
The third picture is the most brutal;
All the boy said was we would go for a walk.
Turned into us alone in a stairwell,
He kissed me thousands of times on the lips
with no consent
at all.
I'm not going to let these pictures rule me I dont
care that they are worth a thousand words.
There will be no words once I light another candle and let the fury burn into ashes.
My eyes will watch birds fly and flowers bloom.
Your eyes can see me as a happy woman.
It's there somewhere.

[deleted]

+91364727-37474838

BLACK MAGIC, **** YOUR WIFE, **** A TEENAGER, *** TO MOUTH, FREE PROSTATE EXAM.


Try writing from your heart, with a hand that won't  quit shaking, and lungs that might explode from anxiousness, only to see your words
be drowned out by a combination of words made to make cents, but heavy lacking on sense. A mind that cycles is like a firefight with your synapses looking for that spark. It's electrifying and mind-blowing, these moods that take months to overcome. Electrifying are the manic months, ones where you hide bank statements, where you penetrate a woman both mind and body. Mind-blowing is the depression, and the barrel of a pistol clenched between your teeth, as you open up your junk mail hopelessly searching for a letter sealed with a kiss.
But it doesn't exist.

hello, i am a
writer, i am happy.
look at me smile.
look at me,
look at me—

no it’s not, you
dumb **** shut up,
you’re worthless,
you’re worthless,
you think you can be happy—

i am sad sometimes.
all the time—
half the time—
my lifetime—
where is the lie?

i am.
i am.
okay, i’ll be fine,
it’s fine,
okay, okay?
okay. yes, yes,
yesyesyes

look at me, i am
worthless stupid
******* amazing
shut up and look,
look at me don’t,

i don’t care i
don’t care i don’t
love you yes i do
i don’t care of course
it’s all i think about

stop stop stop,
don’t look at me,
i am too great,
too great, look,
look, i am on top,
the world is mine—

only in my head
only in my head
only in my head
shut up, shut up,
be quiet, i am tired!

leave me alone.
i don’t want to be alone.
help me be alone,
go away,
please.

please.
please.
please.

[…I don’t know what you mean.]

“I’m sorry, it’s nothing.”

*where is the lie?