Talcum powder
And water
And a few
Other things
Something pink

Smoothed onto
My innocent cheek
Like a mask
Fancy

The sneaking
Into your closet
The blouse
Falling off my shoulder
High-heeled stumble
I’ll understand this
When I’m older

The curiosity
Testing borders
Pushing limits
It’s always been
In me
This glimmering
Faggotry

I breeze into the bar alone
Order a drink then
Waltz on my own

Four fated eyes
Fog machine
Collide

Seven blocks
Until home
Debauchery
On the dome

The ******* twist of
Pinkened papilla
Candled glow
Sandalwood
Vanilla

Your tongue the till
To my loam
I shrill

You blissed me
So sweet
Sugar stains
On my sheet

Your departure
While slippery
Is no less
A victory

Death called your name, you said
Not from the periphery
But right here
Right now
And it requires bloodshed

Eyes glazing over
The tracks before you
Dreaming of being
Splayed
For the length of a mile

I laugh nervously
When you tell me
Because it was me
Your son
Who handed you the phone
“For death, press 1”

You’re at the crossing now
From the pedal
Your foot lifts
The train’s horn
Bellowing
As into its path
You drift

The brakeman screams
As your body disjoints
Your shame for me reduced
To scarlet exclamation points

A nearby sparrow
Witnesses the scene
“Sad”, she thinks
Hatchlings cozy
Underneath her wing

It’s a bit cruel
To pile your ****
On my shoulders
As if I were a mule

And it’s a bit wicked
To claim my
Unchangeable
Existence
As sin committed  

The enigma of stigma
Is yours to explore
I slide you a key
I’ll be right here
On the other side of the door

A mouse creeps
Across the threshold
Seeing both sides
“Too bad”, he thinks
As he scurries by

You named me Christopher
After a boy killed
By a train
And now you say I’m to blame
Like an unfortunate stain
On the hem
Of our family’s pain

The truth is
I couldn’t keep living a lie
And I’m sorry, dad
I’m the reason you want to die

My friends have cross tattoos
Verses on wrists and calves,
Hands pierced with nails-
Symbols of a love craved.
But never found; not where
It was promised. Some doors
Don't open, despite the desperate knock.
So we draw the door on our skin.
We're getting closer now,
My friends and I, closer to a life
Without end, to love without condition.
This love we were on our skin

Are we still here
Are we still loving.
Were we as lost as they said?

You thought he was beautiful?

                     Maybe so.

Yet he weeps when he looks in the mirror,
much like an old willow…

Grasping at the earth with
Cracked and tethered vines
With
Anger and sorrow
With
Insecurities drowning his roots

He wonders what the sky looks like,
While he’s forced to
watch himself grow down

He thinks “it must be beautiful”
Maybe so.

Thanks, you said
For being an ally
You meant well
But I felt invisible

My marriage status
Plain, vanilla clothes
And natural appearance
Fueled your assumptions

This Pride month
Must I don rainbows
Or shave my head
To gain acceptance?

When will diversity
Be so universal
That I can truly be myself
Without being mislabeled?

No longer set back by the uncomfortable masses of fat resting on my chest
I’m free to live and breathe DEEPLY
Each day I uncover more of the truth to who I am
I spent many years yearning for this feeling of relief
Here it is
I’m ready

Dear Testosterone,
You made me sweaty, ***** and sometimes angry too
But I would be lying if I could say I know what I’d do without you
You changed my life from the outside in
Showed me that living as my true self is not living in sin
Each month I’m amazed by how much change I see
In my face, my voice, my hair and all of me

Today I can look in the mirror and see myself
752 days and one major surgery later but wow I see myself

glue down the edges of the wig
over line everything that is too small
hide everything that is too big
dress myself up like a doll
prance around like a drunken mess
dance around to try and make rent
****** you would think
on the brink you would think
but after the drink and the spotlight
i have no doubt in my mind, this is life
they call me many names, a man of many faiths
or faces but never peep any laces
corset underneath this slip dress
another j to smoke away stress
pennies never my worries
i will be provided for surely
i am doing my work, my work is doing me
i dont know who is in control
is it her, him, he
is it I that takes the lead
after everything is off, the mirror doesn’t notice me
wondering who will ever notice me