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LostinJapan Dec 2017
When all is said and done
And I'm tucked into the blanket fort alone
I think of you

And I think if only I could write
The perfect love poem
The most perfect love poem
Then finally
I could reach you

Maybe
If I learned to write
I could show you how
I see you
And how everything about you is
Beautiful

Things are so hard right now

I

t r y


t  o



g   i   v  e





y    o    u






s      p      a      c      e





But

I

miss

you

...

Today I fell asleep dreaming of you
And
Then
****. 11:30
And I
Rushed rushed rushed rushed rushed
Nearly falling down
To get to
my phone
To get back
to
you

And my heart
Sank when I
I saw that
you were
crying
alone
;_;

You thought I didn't care
You thought I was punishing you
You thought I was teaching you a lesson
You thought I was like all the others that hurt you

But did you know how I cradled my phone all day?
Hoping against hope you might ask me to go to you?

Did you know how many times I looked at your pictures?
And fantasized about sitting outside your door just in case you woke up and missed me?

How my heart
And my lips
And my tears
Lingered on the last happy emoji you sent?

Did you know it was at 3:57pm on Friday and that it looked like this?
[emoji][emoji]

Did you know how many times I thought of you while you were sleeping?
How much I wanted to hold you in my arms
and breathe with you quietly
so you would know you were loved?

Did you know how devastating it was
To wake
And find I'd
disappointed, hurt
and lost more of your trust
while I wasn't even conscious?

These walls...
The emotional ones
The lock on your front gate
The force field around your room
This distance between us
The imagined sleights
The miles
They are
not us

We are us
When we're together
When we intertwine our fingers
When we share silly stories
When we play and laugh
When we sing...
When we live
and grow
and learn
together

I
haven't
seen
you
for
four
days
now.

They've been so empty without you
Every day without you is the
loneliest

But I hold myself at night
And cry my tears
put on a smile
so you'll think
that I'm okay
Because
If you think
I'm sad there
might be
more
walls

or

m o r e

d  i   s   t   a   n   c   e

and

I'm


dying



watching  




y o u





s  l  i  p






a    w    a    y   .    .    .
June 13, 2016
LostinJapan Sep 2016
In oppressive summer heat,
Too hot to hold fingers,
I followed you through destruction

The Bomb Dome, the memorial,
Our silent brokenness
Mirroring the devastation

Naked, defenseless, burning,
Lips parched for the soft touch
Of love or lies, I begged for comfort

Again the rainfall answered
Its promise of respite
streaking decay through innocence

I drank deeply, desperately
To ease the emptiness
Of unspoken, abandoned dreams

Then, rotting from within,
my mouth, my eyes, my fingertips
Betrayed all I had held inside

Let them reinforce my bones
Brace with resin and steel
Despairing arms outstretched for you

So that I too can be a symbol
Of peace that never comes.
Overwrought? It needs edits.

The Bomb Dome in the Hiroshima Peace Park is reinforced with steel and resin to maintain its structure. Some drank the "black rain" after the bombing because they were desperately thirsty, but the toxins made them sick for weeks if it didn't **** them.

"This “black rain” reached ground level as sticky, dark, dangerously radioactive water. It not only stained skin, clothing, and buildings, but also was ingested by breathing and by consumption of contaminated food or water, causing radiation poisoning."
http://atomicbombmuseum.org/3_radioactivity.shtml
LostinJapan Sep 2016
Have you ever been in the exact moment
You wish never to forget?
I am there now
Right now.
Surrounded by friends, lovers, dreamers
In a small bar in Shimokitazawa

My partners, my potential partners, my fwb
All in one space enjoying the evening together

I am someone today

We are sharing true stories
Important moments of our lives

I want to kiss everyone
Instead, I love everyone
And wrap them up in my mind
Life is worth living today
LostinJapan Aug 2016
I see
tears
before
sunlight,
feel
pain
before
warmth

sense
invisible
shackles
grow
so heavy
I can
barely
move

In
quiet
desperation
my body
attempts
to
drown
itself
LostinJapan Aug 2016
Steady rainfall in the park.
I hardly notice the wet gravel
soaking cold, dark spots
into my soul from the knees.

Tonight, in perfect stillness,
I ventured farther than I have,
or anyone should.
I vainly offered you everything.

Alone now, I listen to the shifting wind.
The tempest is growing, but I want to stay.
If it carries me off at least I'll be spared
the agony of walking away from you.

Water beats down from heaven,
running off my shirt, slicing into skin,
slowly breaking my composure until, at last,
I become the storm.
LostinJapan Aug 2016
You only like me when I'm someone else.
LostinJapan Aug 2016
No one is more skilled
at twisting words,
care,
desire,
vulnerability,
and love
into barbed wire.
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