₁Peering into my eyes in a darkened room
Your dog curled up, lilliputian,
Quietened behind the wall across from us
Your hands cradle my face as if I am crumbling marble
₅Venusian statue that you've finished carving
Delicacy and care reside in your fingers

I cannot see you, your everything is blurred
You are a frustratingly unfinished masterpiece
You are an out-of-focus black and white Kodak photo
Candid snapshot a girl has taken with her camera phone
Wordless and soundless,
Silent in an equally soundless room

I hear our syncopated breathing,
Softened, pulsing rhythm, cadence of your breath
Fanning across my bottom lip
You open your mouth
A sliver of light from your window
Curtains, diaphanous, like gossamer silk
Flutter in the stream of your quiet fan

You speak
My eyelids flit like moth's wings on a Spring evening
You speak
There's approximately four striations of shades
In your irises,
Flecks of opaque peridot and ochre
God drizzled in spools of honey
Swirled in the colors of crisp autumn leaves and sun-dappled orange
Called it done

I press my face against your cheek
Leave a lasting imprint of you there
Your touch will be ghost-like
I'll feel it on my skin seven months later

“You are so pretty you know that?”
Your eyes split me open
Like a cadaver whose bones were strung
With pearls and fitted with chains
Beauty in the macabre
Beauty in a breakdown

I first loved your naked soul
it wasn't about your body
it was just how your soul
made love to mine

and somewhere in time
i ****** up
and you ****** up too
and we can argue all day
about who ****** up more
who left who

but in the end
none of that matters
because i am not perfect
nor are you flawless
but few things i can etch on a stone

I've sipped away your tears
and kissed your scars
I've made love to your heart
long before i touched your body
I have been loyal to you
during your presence and in your absence too
I remain incapable of ever lying to you
I kept you warm when I myself was cold
I put down my guard when you needed someone to hit
I refuse to see a face not yours
Or touch a body that doesn't belong to your soul
I have loved you with my existence
I shared your worst nights
I accepted your worst thoughts
I never left you ever
In good time or bad
I stuck by you
And I continue to do so
Even while you are gone

You used to say
remind me of us when I forget

So baby remember
we are two unique souls
Who only fit in eachother
No thing and no one else
Can satisfy us but you and me
Together

You can hate me
Call me a coward
Or a cheat

But you know better
That I'm none of that
And you can't hate me

There's too much love between us
For either of us to hate each other
There are way too many chocolate boxes
And colourful envelops
And way too many kisses
To even try getting over
You're wearing my t-shirt as you read this
I hold the keychain which you marked with our love, as I write

So we can waste our time trying to hate
Trying so hard to fail this
But your heart belongs to me
And mine you've already taken with you

And yes
I hurt you
Like you hurt me
But you see
When you are extra careful
With a glass artifact
Much like you
Then sometimes you tip over
And the glass cracks a bit
But you break a bone saving it

I'm cold
And much like you
I also do not have anyone
To provide warmth and love
But unlike me
You can count on my soul
To leave behind traces of love
For you to gather
As you move ahead in time
And still remain 12 hours behind

We felt the wistfulness and urging
Somewhere in the pale light
Slanting across our bodies
Submerged in a bed that smelled of our discarded childhoods
Tasted of our desperation and craving for love
Devoid of anything saccharine, bitter in the aftertaste

In the early morning I laid there, on top of you
Warmth trailing from your body,
Snaking across the smooth planes of my stomach
You cradling me like I wished my father could have
Fingers threading through my hair
Untangling the knots from my childhood

You spoke into my hairline,
Christened yourself repeatedly on my skin
Your voice was a Freudian call
Above the dirge of angry tidal water
Echoing from the corpses of our past

We felt the wistfulness and urging
Somewhere in the pale light
Slanting across our faces
Verdant green of your eyes hypnotizing me
I splayed my fingers against your chest
Felt your ****** harden against the soft pad

I remembered the taste of sweet tomatoes, plump, ripe
Bursting juice onto my tongue
Coffee-soaked ladyfingers
Dappled sunlight streaming through leaves
Blue cloudless sky
Peals of youthful laughter
The smell of your mother's car—Pine Air Freshener
Her rosary swaying back and forth
A religious sacred pendulum

We felt the wistfulness and urging
Somewhere in the duller light
Slanting across our skin
Our contrasting polarizing canvases
We mourned each other in our brokenness
And in the pale evening,
Tried to assemble our skeletons back together

Why are you so rushing?

Let me take more time with her.
Or at least a proper dinner with a good chat.

Why are you so limiting?

Let me stay with her under the moonlight.
Or at least let her sleep on my shoulder for awhile.

Why are you forcing me to do things?

Let me stay young with her.
Or at least don't make us busy with our own things.

Why do you keep going?

Let me stuck with her in some moments.
Or at least let me have these moments again,
in the future.

Sometimes I leave my computer on
when I'm trying to fall asleep at night...
it used to bother me greatly,
but now it just reminds me of when you were here.

A couple of days and nights
I acquired sadness and restlessly
Anxiety always prevail
I'm acting strange

I'm longing for you
Loneliness tearing me apart  
But i keep on chasing our memories
One by one

But when i see your bubbly face
And heard your angelic voice
I felt rejuvenated
After being devastated