it's like an ember
consuming my brain since
October. Soon September
will come and his presence
will alight the soothed coals.
it's like a laugh that starts small
but then it fills all the souls
around you because you've lost all
control. You're gasping for air
and your sides hurt, yet
you love it, you don't care
about the pain you've had to have met
to get that feeling.
it's like a disease.
when you find out, you're reeling
but eventually, you're at an odd kind of ease.
You know you can't stop it,
there's nothing you can do
at this point it's the source of all of the ****
in your life. And still, you
can't remember what it's like to
feel normal and you end up not
minding at all. you don't rue
that it will **** you and make you grow cold
before you've gotten to live your life
because despite it all, you pretend you'll grow old
and have a future with no strife.
                                                    M.C.M­

rain drops tip toe
and dance through my window
the brilliant light
illuminates the night
and as the thunder roars
my heart rate soars.
The world is alive now
and all I can wonder is how
I will ever sleep
if this weather decides to keep
letting itself go
because in these moments, I know
that where there is beauty so dear,
there is also fear
                             M.C.M

my apologies
for my speechless soul
for my cliched analogies.
trust me, that wasn't the goal.
my heart seems
to speak a different code.
rather than logic, dreams
rather than smooth, the bumpy road
you deserve more than this
all the condescending words and unoriginality
crushing your spirit until I miss
your honest uncensored personality
As I sit in this car,
crowded physically but alone at heart,
even though you are so far
you still tear my mind apart.
the thought of you fills me
your laugh, your smile, your voice.
In case you couldn't see it,
I never had a choice.
It couldn't be someone
who never gave me a glance
No, now look what you've done
you've made my heart dance
                                                           ­               M.C.M

January 23, 2015, Friday, 8:56PM

Your name filled chapters and chapters of my journal, and how I fell in love with you — and the way you just are.

my journal was dedicated to you
a proclamation of
how i adored your smile
how your touch set me on fire
how every minute spent together left me craving
more and more and more of you
rushed scribbles
describing how your eyes searched my soul
and left me wanting nothing more than a look at yours
filled every empty space
my ink bled your praises
line upon line quote the love you claimed
pages were filled with promises you made in a drunken state
my journal was a tribute to you
a celebration of you
a monument
to you
and yours didn't even mention my name

I'm being
crushed
by my mind
choking
on my spoiled breath
words filling up my throat
that can't escape
without overflowing
out of my mouth

I still remember the first time I ever met you,
I still remember where we were,
I still remember we were right beside each other,
I still remember the way you talked,
I still remember your first girlfriend and the way you used to be around her,
I still remember wishing it was me and not her.
I still remember our inside jokes, and how bad they were,
I still remember the first night we spoke on the phone,
I still remember telling myself to get it together,
I still remember how close we got, 3 years later.
I still remember your sense of humour, and your love to make everyone around you happy,
I still remember how quiet you can get whilst you were thinking,
I still remember the first time we hugged, and how awkward it was,
I still remember the time you came to the airport to say goodbye,
I still remember you telling me how you felt about me, a year later,
I still remember getting annoyed because our times didn’t work together,
I still remember that night that you asked me to be your girlfriend,
I still remember the goosebumps that I felt when I said yes,
I still remember the excitement I feel whenever I get a text,
I still remember the frustrations we felt as the seas put our love to the test,
I still remember the disbelief I felt as I finally flew back and I saw you again,
I still remember the first time you held my hand,
I still remember my fingers memorising your face,
I still remember how you made me feel,
I still remember the way you kissed my shoulders,
I still remember the way you loved me,
I still remember your friends telling me how I made you feel,
I still remember how they told me you were always missing me,
I still remember the way your eyes looked as they stared at me,
I still remember how that made me feel,
I still remember how I cried as I looked at your picture in the plane, the second time we said goodbye
I still remember how our love died, as time passed
I still remember the way our calls got shorter
I still remember how your reasons got longer
I still remember crying over you, no longer of joy, but of pain
I still remember asking the Lord, what is there left to gain
I still remember you giving up,
I still remember my heart breaking,
I still remember demanding you, is this all what you’ve got?
I still remember the last time we said goodbye.
I still remember the nights that made me cry,
I still remember writing it all down as my emotions died,
I still remember all of this a year later,
I still remember how in love our love made me feel.
I still remember how I wished those heartaches were never real.