i. recite their name like it's your favorite poem, sing it like it's your favorite song. let it roll off your tongue and onto your bed; immerse yourself in their entire being until you know the rhythm of their heart better than your own.

ii. how your heart feels when you look at the night sky. how your heart feels when you're dancing alone, how your heart feels when you are Okay, when you are Safe - name that feeling after them.

iii. memorize the color of their eyes. memorize that color and then give in to the knot that forms in your stomach, the wave that comes over you, when you see it. give in to it - every time. soak in it, sink into it. hold your breath.

iv. lean into their touch. tattoo their fingerprints on your skin. let their love, their hurt - every single piece of them - stain you.

v. grow with them. plant yourself beside them and mimic the way they turn towards the sun. become entangled in them; and don't flinch, don't flinch when they get tangled in you. wait for the day when you can't tell which roots are yours.

vi. wait until the day when you don't remember the pain. wait until you have forgotten what it means to be alone.

i. smile. smile like you are dying, breathing your last breath, like the irony of your pathetic life is the funniest thing in the whole **** world. smile like you're crazy, like you're on a high that doesn't end, a high that you almost wish would. smile like you love the hurt.

ii. put your hands anywhere but your face. wave them in the air, touch another person's skin, run them through your hair. throw your shoulders back, open your mouth and don't you dare wipe your eyes. don't touch the spot on your forehead, don't rub your nose; pretend you are confident in yourself, for once.

iii. walk like you aren't bleeding. walk like there is no glass beneath you, like the knife in your back is a flower blooming. walk like you are moving mountains, like you are causing earthquakes and hurricanes. walk like you are more than something.

i made a list of all the Places You Should Kiss Me and then i knelt beside my bed and prayed for God to send me somebody.

i made a list of all the Places You Should Kiss Me and then fell asleep, i dreamt of a stranger leaving me.
i made a list of all the Places We Should Go and the Things We Should Do and then fell asleep to white noise, a blank screen played out in front of me.
i made a list of all the Things I Should Tell You and thought about calling you. i fell asleep with my phone in my hand, i dreamt of you falling in love with someone else.

i woke up and realized i hadn’t fallen asleep, i checked my phone and remembered that You Never Loved Me.

(two girls are apart and they are doing the best they can)

he tries to run away but he is losing everything
and hey says, he says he doesn't mind but
his eyes can't lie and they are screaming

h e l p  m e

she builds a box from the ground up and they talk about it
for weeks because oh my
how pretty
what beauty

the door disappears when she locks herself in
and only when they notice
there are no windows
do they ask

was it lovely at all
if it had no light

a gray fury moves, racing beneath a solid blue sky; the purest white is pasted against the endless sea above us, and it is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

a mess of foreboding destruction passes, racing beneath a perfect painting, and it is every piece together; the gray and blue combining, the meeting of dark and light, the rain and sun mingling, that makes me want to cry.

will we be this beautiful when we collide?

i know a girl who defines herself by the neighborhood she grew up in.
i know a girl who chose her name based on what her demons call her.
i know a girl who takes pre-printed name tags from men, who don't know the difference between yes and no, and covers her whole body with them.

hello my name is
hello my name is

i know a boy who lets the big ugly word written across his forehead carry him.
i know a boy being strangled by a life that isn't his; he forces himself to call it home.
i know a boy whose heart got thrown on the floor. instead of picking it up he took the pieces and spelled out his lover's name; he froze his own blood and walked away.

you love me with a gun to my head
and i think
at least you are loving me

i don't scar easy
a clean line down my arm -
watch me bleed out

you love me while holding the stained knife
and i think
at least you are loving me