You delivered my last wake up call  
Pressing your mouth on mine ringing me
to pick up a call from this ****** world
With that I sensed a cold breath of air running down my throat forcing me to grasp for air

But I remember jumping
I jumped for a reason
I wanted to drown in this vast sea
To have my last taste be of salt
But you pulled me up and handed me air
The last connection to my life line

Hesitantly I grabbed the gold plated phone
Opened my eyes and saw a bright red color
The color that defined you
I answered the phone on a storm less sailboat
And took my last chance at this very sad life

His arm already had about ten tick marks on it
He liked them in neat sets of five, like a school child would write them while they’re learning to count
Sometimes he asked for them to be drawings
One tally was green, with a rosebud on the end
One had the texture of a rope you’d find keeping boats tied to the dock
One was just a simple line like all the others, but blue
He would come in roughly every three weeks or so, sometimes more often sometimes less, never on the same day but always around the same time, two pm
Once he’d hit 11 marks, and I had to start a new set, I finally asked him what they were for
I joked that I’d seen Black Panther one too many times to assumed they’d be for anything but lives taken
He looked solemn
And said not taken but lost
He went on to say that he worked for the suicide hotline
And every time someone called in and didn’t make it through
He got another tick mark
He said he wanted to remember them, to show that someone cared about their lives even though they never thought anyone did
The rose was for a girl, fresh out of college, she made it through classes but not through the anxiety that had haunted her for four years
She had called about a week before she departed, saying that the smell of roses was the only thing that was keeping her going
A drought came through, scorching everything
He read in the paper that she’d died not to long after that
It wasn’t always the suicidal ones who called though
Sometimes it was friends, family, concerned people that wanted to help
One time a friend called after a death
Asking about signs they could’ve caught, making sure that nothing like this would happen to someone they loved again, because they would catch it next time
Her friend was found in the family pool
The only thing the girl said was that at least the last thing she saw was the blue of the sky, or the water, or the bottom
Blue was her favorite color
Hence the blue tally mark
The rope he said was a classic
His whole arm could’ve been covered in ropes if he wished
Some of the worst ones he couldn’t bear to remember, didn’t dare ink onto his arm
The sound of the phone crashing to the floor after a gunshot went off in the background, after minutes of pleading look just take they phone they can help you
Some of them gave reasons, others didn’t
They couldn’t live with mistakes they had made or things were getting hard or everything just hurt
He said he’d been working this job for about a year or so now, and that most people don’t last much longer than that
It takes too much of a toll on them, but he said this was nowhere near the burdens his callers were carrying
With that, the next line was done
I didn’t really know what to say, besides to wish him well and that I hoped I never saw him again
He said the same

her
voice alone
drives me
to tears, i'm crying
in my mom's bedroom,
holding an ancient phone
and a slip of paper my
therapist gave me,
a number to call if
i felt the world was too
much, and it was.
she asks me too many questions.

You're lookin' at the river
Feelin' down and weak
When you're
Wadin' in the water
and it's rushing 'round your feet
When you want to
Reach the other side
And feel you can't retreat
The same insane song
In your head
And it is on "repeat"...

Just remember there are Bridges
They are made of words
Remember there are Bridges
Things you haven't heard
Remember there are Bridges
Made with human hands
Remember there are Bridges
Then you'll understand

The waters in that riverbed
They are cold and deep
They have a riptide current
So look before you leap!
You can't stand against them
They will take you down
You may just go under
Brother, sister, you will drown!

(chorus)

Reaching out ain't easy
But it don't get much worse
Than feeling down and vulnerable
Living with a curse
It's like picking up the planet
To lift that lifeline phone
But there people who
Will care for you...
You are not alone!

Just remember there are bridges
They are made of Words,
Remember there are bridges
Things you haven't heard,
Remember there are bridges
Made with God's own hand
Remember there are bridges
Then you'll understand.


BRIDGE:
Remember there are Bridges
When you are at a loss
They weren't made to jump from

They were made to CROSS.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 2/12/2016

I remember the day I called a depression hotline while I cried inside my closet. I did not fit completely,but I felt hidden away from the rest of the world. I just needed a wall to protect me. I could barely speak because the tears just fled out more. I had built a dam around my mind and didn’t release certain thoughts. I bottled it all up but the beavers got tired of swimming in ***** water, so day by day they chipped away the wood until everything was collapsing and I came crumbling down with the water. Now I spend my days trying to rebuild it and block the rush of the stream - fighting back the tears, thoughts, and any negativity that wants to escape. I let it all bite at me - but not consume me. It’s funny because it made me realize that monsters do live in closets, but I live in my own.