Everything is so terrifying for the introvert going outside—
the overthinker rehearses all of their prestored sentences,
Sitting on impeccable lines with no trace of uncertainty,
but ever so certain that it’s what the ear wants to hear.
The hopeless romantic knows the picture of a good love
story, but can’t seem to paint that picture for themselves—
Because imagination never quite imitates real emotion.
                                                        ­         And it’s irritating.

But haven’t I been them all? A single character playing
too many roles— the pencil in my story, trying to sketch
out the scenery of a better life. The pen, trying to write
out a good script that fits in the ink folds of my cerebellum.
My skin wears the wrinkles of time, bruises like an overcoat—
a weathered face, but it’s body has no spring in its step.

I’ve been depressed. But when you’re made to grow up too
fast, to keep pace with the world, what else do you expect?

Still, don’t expect me to be anything less than my level best.
Elevated fears go up, while my hope quietly goes down.
Yet on the upside? I stopped pretending to flip my frown
upside down. Some days I’m up. Most days I’m so down.
But I’m not always down— just holding onto the little hope
I find in creation; beauty painted out from my frustrations.
Like the weather, my mood keeps shifting. And whether
you’re caught in a long winter after a short summer,
Don’t worry— it’s all just a passing season.

I think I killed the mundane,
growing up wishing to be saved.
I think I killed gentle gestures,
through teenage years, craving someone who cared.

I think I killed connection,
living through my twenties, not knowing who to trust.
I think I killed the mundane,
now I’m nearly thirty,
no closer to my fairytale than I was at fifteen

love is like a flame
it can make you warm
or it can burn you
love can caress you
or throw you to the wolves
love can find you your perfect match
or it can find you someone
who'll never give you their time of day

i want to find love
a love that is reciprocated
a love that is gentle and passionate
a love that picks me up
a love that is the one for me
who can laugh at my dumb jokes
who can see me for me
who can show me the good in the world

i always seem to find the love that hurts
a love that beats me down
a love that hates me for me
who only loves the idea of me

maybe this time will be different

yes you're my crush
yes you make me blush
i love your smile
i think about it for a while
i want to hear your laughter
please don't let this end in a disaster
wrap your arms around me
let the love run free
i'm falling head over heels
you got me weak in the knees
you're so weird and quirky
and I feel unworthy

you, serendipity
i didn't expect you
but you're the best birthday gift i've received all year
and mind you, my birthday's a long time from now.

i didn't know you've waited
since middle school, for this to all work out
but i'm glad you did
so glad you did

we officially met...maybe a week ago when you confessed
so then why do you make me feel like the one having the crush?
so many things i won't understand
but so many things i hope we'll figure out together, levi.

She is my snow in summertime
Everything I cant have
Everything I wish were mine
Only ever years ago
May I see a summers snow
Our kisses go long forgotten
By everyone but me
Love only exists
In books of history
Because even if it snows
Everyone knows
It doesn't last
so it must be,
Our stolen romance remains in the past.
And I must keep remembering
though memory brings me pain
i'm a ******* (just for this)
So I'll dance in summer rain