My eyes are bleeding
and my head is on fire
tossing and turning between the sheets

praying for resistance --
praying for mercy
screaming for Advil.

I keep biting off
more than I can chew.

Apple juice dripped
between the seams
of my fingers.

Cold chills
ran down my spine
and I wanted to hang
onto something,
but nothing was within reach.

My memories
got the best of me,
but don’t these photos
make it look great?

Sparkly blue waters,
freckles on your face.

I hope at the time
I thought it was just the same.
I lost track of the
coffee trips,
lips kissed
and debts paid.

We made safe spots
out of living rooms
and bottles of wine
something to wash down
our problems with.

Blankets like bowls,
would always be shared;
I never thought twice
about how much you cared.

More like family or lovers
than friends-
it would seem.

While we make messes
of the night,
the time stamps on
our messages became
less relevant
and all that would be resolved
was what bodies would be tangled at dawn,
and then held up in the
morning light
and felt.

I feel so horrible
the pain is just so irresistible
like Clair Huxtable

I can't think
i want to eat and drink
but i'm afraid it wont sink

I was told
i was found drunk and cold
dying and yet i'm not even old

Choking on my own puke
the beer hit me like a nuke
my survival was a fluke

I thought i wanted to die
but i'm so happy i'm alive
time to throw the beer outside

on the the water
somewhere this

then an
many different ideas
  
an unused phone
balcony, cracked lips, eggs

a party, someone left
copious, the birds
  
cold feet, an golden trees
hung over
  
the, the Pigeon
after the clean outside
    
matters, 7 bottles of wine
breeze twitter, plate
    
but then, a sketchbook
a red curtain, the brother
  
empty, difficult
police, for what it's worth
    
water, floor
sue, it is a
another cure
sister, a Malaysian
    
dry, another one
screen, front door
    
whispering sun
firehose cloud

Four bottles litter the floor
but life I do adore
people drink and see
the present is all that be