Your favorite flower, A rose
Your Favorite Color, Purple
I don’t know many of your favorites,
And I know I should.

Your favorite movies are scattered,
Your jokes are messy, but laughable.
Your humor is odd,
And your taste in food is somewhat chilling.

I’ll have Purple Roses on my back,
Because I’ll always know you have it.
You’ll always help me when I need it most.
And For that, I know and appreciate it.

I’ll always have yours, no matter the cause,
For you’re my Dad, and I’ll always love you so.
Purple roses on my right,
For you’ll always be Right by my side.
Your favorite quotes, Lined up, Side by Side.
No matter how long,
I have to sit in a chair, needles of ink,
Poking into me.

I’d do anything you ask,
Even if I’m forgetful,
So please Dad,
Always be by my side.

Your family is complicated,
And sometimes you make me mad,
But that’s okay, because I know,
I make you just as mad.

My life choices,
And the habits I’ve picked up,
Aren’t always good ones,
Lord knows you know.

But I know, I can always count on you.
To be Right by my side,
Your hand on my shoulder,
Pushing me through,
All the tough times,
Reassuring me, That you’re proud,
And You love me much.

That no matter what I do,
You’ll always be there.
That you’re so glad you had me,
And that You’ll never regret,
Marrying mom, no matter how crazy she was,
Because my sister and I, came out of it.

Purple roses, on my right shoulder,
Your favorite quotes, side by side.
May the force be with you,
Just like I know you’ll always be.
No matter where you are,
Or Where I might be.

I know I can call you,
And You’ll always pick up.
Because, You’ll always be there,
Right by my side.

I love you, Dad,
And I hope you know.
I’ll never forget,
Where you’ve gone, or where you’ve been.

Purple roses,
For your favorite flower,
And your favorite color.
Because you should know,
You’ll always be my favorite parent.

The one who showed me,
The meaning of unconditional love,
That no matter what I do,
You’ll always be right by my side.

I’m scared to move on,
And grow up,
Because I know deep down,
It means giving you up.
I only have one father,
And I don’t want to lose you.

So I’ll have your favorites,
Permanently inked, on my right shoulder.
Because that way,
You’ll always be right by my side.

You lived long,
And fought hard.
Purple roses, and blue skies.
Thunder clouds and crying eyes.

Your two daughters love you much,
Though yet, they say it little.
I wish you knew how much,
I need you.
No matter how old I get.

I’m not ready to lose you.
Please don’t forget.
For my father is you,
I’ll never be ready,
So please, don’t leave yet.

You’ve told us what we are to do,
When you pass on, whether it is up,
Or whether it is down.
You’re to become Ash.
And we’re to spread, you all across,
Some beautiful place.

Yet I’m so sure,
I’ll never truly let go, of even
Just a piece, of your soul.
Whether it be encapsulated ash,
Or maybe your cologne.
I’ll never forget
The love you gave.

So please,
For you’re my father,
And I’m not ready yet.
Please don’t let go,
Please keep awake,
Please, for I beg.
I’m not ready yet.

For you’re my father,
And I want to see you grow old,
I want to see, your hair go white,
And your bald spot grow.
I want you to see my white dress,
And walk me down the aisle.
I want you to see my future,
Wherever it may lead.

I want my father there.
So please, I’m not ready yet.
Don’t go.
Don’t speak of it.
Your health declines,
And that scares me so,
Please, Don’t go.

I’m not ready yet.
I’ll never be ready, I’m so sure.
I’ll keep a piece of you,
Forever more.
For you’re my father. And I love you so.
I may not say it much.
But I do very much.

I’ll never be ready, to see you go,
I’ll bury an empty casket,
Just so I have a place to go.
Whenever I need you around,
Please,
Dad,
I’m not ready yet.

You talk of your death,
Often still,
As if you’re preparing to go,
But I’m not ready yet.
And I can’t let you go.

Please, Father I beg.
I’m not ready yet.
So please, Just stay awhile,
And watch us grow.

I only feel normal when I’m by myself, adding 1 person and out comes the stress.

I don’t feel it’s right or fair to be this way for the ones I love and care.

I replay our recent times in the front of my mind only to feel like I let them down.

I try to plan ahead pretending I can turn these self-defense mechanisms off.

My wife deserves me at my best, my love deserves to experience the same man that exists alone.

My children deserve to witness and receive an unconditional love without past grief.

My family is my rock and stone, my family that reside within our home.

My wife so strong she fills voids before they can become cracks….

Poetry, brain music, exercise, outdoors, notebooks, research, studying and good routines… a few remedies taken the most!!!

It’s a little complicated - what isn’t? But my plans have changed (again).
Under some pressure - but not really - I was able to switch schools.
From Johns Hopkins university to the Université Paris Cité.
No doubt, the Hopkins acceptance helped.
It’s like when you have a boyfriend - how the other boys suddenly find you more attractive?

There was a comment someone made here, SbySW, I think - he said,
“No more early jogs in Baltimore,” (as in danger-city) and that was a tumbler for me - I started checking and, yeah, Baltimore is very.. Baltimore-ish. Then my little mind started grinding.

‘If I’m already switching schools and since Peter (my bf) is still ‘stuck’ in Geneva.. Isn’t Paris closer?
TRIGGER WARNING  
So, here’s where the 'nepo baby' magic happens.
I called my Grandmère. ring.ring
“Umm, I’m thinking the Université Paris Cité might be better than Baltimore.. Is that CrAzY?”
After a moment's silence, Grandmère said,
“Can you forward me your Hopkins acceptance letter?”

And thirty minutes later (9pm Paris time, mind you), I got a call from Université Paris Cité admissions. I’m in. The program starts September 1st.
Then François, one of my Grandmère’s corporate minions called and said:
"Johns Hopkins appreciated the quick notice.
The movers will be there, for you and Charles @ 9am tomorrow morning.
Your flight (to Paris) leaves @ 9:22pm tomorrow night..
Your TSA PreChecks, and Global Entry passes are complete.
I mailed you your flight passes and "Imagine'R" (unlimited Paris travel) cards. A car will be waiting when you arrive.”
François doesn't mess around.

I looked at my watch, it was 2:45 in the afternoon.
****, I need to tell Charles we're moving to Paris tomorrow.

Yes, I exist in a charmed circle - if you discount the contentiousness of the choice - my Mom’s now mad at me and my sister’s not too happy 
- I’m totes charmed.
Of course, the Hopkins acceptance (and the full-ride scholarship I declined) will now pass on to another lucky student.

Sometimes what you want
is lurking in the shadows
just out of reach - do you dare disclose it -
risk exposing it, when some might oppose it?

The bible says “Ask and you shall receive.”
In real life, that may require more than belief,
if your secret wishes, you are to achieve.
.
.
Songs for this:
Give Paris One More Chance by Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers
The Paris Match (feat. Tracey Thorn) by The Style Council
Nostalgie Du Voyage by Tape Five

The baby sea turtle gets abandoned
Abandoned by its parents
The baby sea turtle needs their mother
1 in 10,000

Oh, 1 in 10,000 live to adulthood
That 1 in 10,000
Moves on to abandon their children
Ironic, isn’t it?

How parents can forget the struggle
Faced in their very own childhood
How the children grow up to be
Just like the horrors they swore to avoid

Yes, I feel bad for the baby sea turtles
But it’s their culture—
Their lives and the expectations

But to feel for the turtles is to feel for you
Your parents didn’t abandon you

Oh no, sweetie, worse—
Your parents isolated you
Mistreated you

And to feel for the turtles is to feel for you
Feel for the life you didn’t choose

It’s not the culture
That causes the forced isolation
It’s the cold hearts and the failed system

Oh, who is the sea turtle?
I’m not sure
But to feel for the turtles is to feel for you
Even when there is nothing to do

In the hard, bright, shining Sun,
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
The family gathered despite the drought,
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
And the women were dressed in their brightest things,
The babies chewed on their teething rings,
While the men discussed what the weather brings.
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
 
Uncle Charlie and I, we sat outside,
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
I had told him my job, of my soldierly pride,
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
As we sat in the shade with our glasses of port
I had no idea what the old man thought
As I described the Army and those of my sort
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
 
When I had finished he poured more port from the flagon,
There in the Mallee, there in the South,
As we sat in the shade of an old hay wagon,
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
He said to me 'son, I think if you must
Serve in the Army, that's fine, but just
What do you actually do for a crust?'
He said, there in the Mallee, there in South.
 
In the hard, bright, shining Sun,
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
The family gathered despite the drought,
There in the Mallee, there in the South.
While the men discussed what the weather brings
And the babies chewed on their teething rings
Uncle Charlie and I spoke of other things
There in the Mallee, there in the South.

Shes baba black sheep of the herd I heard
I hear that alot since I am different im not equal to them
They say blood is thicker then water but I don't feel that way
My own blood left like it was nothing
I learned young that blood would not be my best friend
But instead half blood would
The side that wasn't complete
But was just enough to feel complete
Its small and broken
Can feel chaotic and overwhelming
But it is still family to me
People look confused when they hear my story
Some say that's not your family
But I beg to differ
My real family threw me to the road like a piece of trash
This one cared for me like their own
My real family taught me how to hate
This one taught me how to love how to care how to forgive
So in the end blood does not run thicker then water

My cabinet with books is in the street
for the taking, the chair next to it
One more moment I sit on it

thinking of obsolete dreams
and our new home, the beginning
of our own fairy-tale

our new dreams
of children running and spinning
around by the anchor

of our desire
tired in the evening, taking a bath
and sleeping in our hearts

My shallow perspective on life
Is my strong belief in karma.
My shallow perception of us
Is that we're fair to each other.

If I care about you,
You will care about me.
If I give you,
You will give me.
Like you can't do
What you want to.
Like you can not spit in my face
When I put a  kiss on your face.

I will not try to foresee tomorrow
'Cause I have the delusion of control.
I will surely wake up from this deep sleep
'Cause you'll definitely make me lose sleep.

I've stolen and I've given;
I've had victories and made mistakes;
But despite my scars,
I have a reason to march on.

I've seen birth and I've seen death;
I've conceived bliss and embraced despair;
Still throughout my trials,
I have a reason to persist.

I dream among the stars;
My vision travels the universe;
Yet above all others,
One ambition trumps the rest.

Of all the things I've done;
Of all the things I've seen;
My dream among dreams,
Has always been you.