You need to reach out
- that's what I was told

I confided in a number of people

Sat across a lot of wise spectacles
Sympathetic coffees
Blank invites
Dispassionate loves

You need medication
- that's what I was told

I popped a number of pills

Over months,
White, long
Yellow, small
A number of nights
Crazy eyes,
Erratic behaviour
Strange moodswings

You need a change of scenery
- That's what I was told

Miles and miles of sand
A sea extending into the sky
My heart became the feather
That landed on waves
And sank
Far below
The understanding of humanity

Went to the hills
Stream flowing by
Which iced over at night
Bare apple orchards
Green and stone
Woke up at 4 AM
From where I stood,
I couldn't see the sunrise

My spirits
Shattered and fell
Along with some rocks
Off the cliff's sheer face
As I ended up
On my hands and knees


You need to meditate
- that's what I was told

Pure silence at 4 AM

That's what I woke up to
And I sat for an hour everyday
Trying to focus on
The "om" I was told about
With the last echo
I was left bereft of purpose
Vision and energy
I couldn't move on
With the day

Rainy days and Mondays
Piloting my car like a
river boat captain
on a shiny Mississippi
It is morning but still dark
an eye dropper of blue has
been added to the sky
and what was once black
has now slowly spread to purple
A purple macchiato in the atmosphere

I pass by a convenient store
It looks like an oasis in the dark rain
Soft blue lights reflecting on wet asphalt, illuminated marquee
an old cinematographer trick  

This is my time
This is where I live
This is me.
My true self
before,
I am stained by work

Everyday I'm one step closer to the end of my life
Everyday there's a different fight to overcome
Everyday you have to give it your all and then some
No matter what you do problems arise
And if you don't handle them right it can lead to your demise
I'm tired of the lies
Fire in my eyes
No one will stop me now
Don't ask me how
You won't get an answer
I won't be a dancer
I won't dance around the situation
The only thing left is alienation
To be left alone
In my own little zone is all I've ever wanted
But that's far from the truth
I want someone to love for real
To someday seal the deal and be happy
To have someone to take my ****** days
And turn them around
Not one more sound
Cause thats all I've been wishing for

all the blood and tears that I wasted all this years
come from the pain and hurt, that I continue to fear
I'm left alone, left behind from anything possible
I'm not disrespectful nor irresponsible
so why was I lonely most the time
I did nothing more then just a couple crimes
I'm different, I know that for a fact
doesn't mean I have to get attacked
I dream and cry just like all the rest
I don't want to keep getting treated like I'm a lab rat test
I don't blend in with the colors of the walls
why is it that I never get invited to go the mall?
why is it that I don't get asked if I'm alright?
why I'm the person they always want to fight?
I must be a figure that looks like it needs to get beat
might as well throw me in a lions den, since I'm just a piece of meat
it's hurtful and sad that I get told to die
that the only friends I have aren't humans but flies
I'm not the best looking guy in world, I get that
doesn't mean you have to bash my skull with a bat....

You walk through the door,
you put the key in the ignition.
Destination:
somewhere you don't wanna go.

Yesterday, you heard from an old friend.
What do you say when your dreams
are coming true from someone else.
What do you say?

Your beliefs start seeping through.
You feel stripped naked on your knees
begging please.

So, I'll just lay here.
Let the memories come back
like a whiplash.
On the floor,seconds pass by
without parachutes and I'm free falling
wounded.

Your insides start breaking apart,
you become someone else.
Unrecognizable reflections.

You start saying these words.
What do you say when you
hurt the ones you love
without meaning to?
Oh, I'm sorry.

You morals start disappearing,
you feel stripped naked
on your knees
begging please.

*So, I'll just lay here.
Let the memories come back
like a whiplash.
On the floor,seconds pass by
without parachutes and I'm free falling
wounded.

Living here , can't help but move*
sailing each course with the gifts of divine love anchoring
mixtures of light and dark.
                   focus
                                    Living here , can't help but move
         away from the moments of unrest , sculpting each moment of this day into beauty with my hands, thoughts and kisses.

Living here , can't help but move
Swirl like laughter round the tea cup of herbs
move into the space where it's a heartbeat
dust off the dust.
                                       Living here , can't help but move
It's a dawn that breaks ,  swallowed up by the mid day sun , here on this planet , it's like the sky is chewing very slowly
open , close.

Loving here means i do the same too.
open , close.
open , close.