A beautiful head of hair offered her a drink.
She had to drive home.

High cheekbones and a leather jacket asked her to dance.
She was never a good dancer.

Tall and lean made eyes from across the room.
She turned away.

Friendly and endearing made small talk on the stool next to her.
Weather.
Music.
Occupations.

“So, are you… in a relationship?”
She looked down at her hands.
A white line against bronze skin seared with absence.

“No,” finally,”not anymore.”

If I close my eyes you're here

But I'm not real

But you're here and you're alive
You're breathing

But I'm not real, I'm not alive

But touching you feels real
Your hands, so soft
I remember them being soft

Don't you understand
This isn't really me
I'm gone

I don't understand anything
You're here and why can't that be okay

Because I'm not really here
it's not okay for you to go on this way
You must let go

I tried and isn't that worth something
Can't I be allowed this moment of bliss with you

I'm not real
This isn't real
Let go Milo, let go
I'm dead and you must let go

I'll never let go
You're gone but my love will never leave
Forever is a simple thing

"In a row???" I ask, incredulous.

"Nah, man."

"Were you at least #37?"

"Well, yeah. But still that gets to me," he says. He starts counting change, playing with pennies on the glass counter.

"If you didn't see it, it didn't happen," I reply. I pull out a $5.00 bill.

"That's childish!" He looks at me like I'm a babbling idiot.

"That's my life!" It was my life.

"I can't believe you sometimes," he says. Nobody can, bud.

"You better start. I'm smarter than I look." I'm bluffing now; I'm a ******* idiot.

"Yeah, yeah. Do you wanna buy anything or not?" he goes back to his pennies on the glass counter.

"Yeah--Marlboro Reds," I reply hesitantly. For a moment I thought about Camels.

"$5.00 even." It's always $5.00 even when you're with friends.

"Alright."

"Shorts or 100s?"

"****, man, shorts!" It's my turn to look at him like he's a total stranger.

"Just asking." He puts the bill in the register.

"Shorts say badass. 100s say suicide mission."

"I suppose you're right."

"It makes perfect sense!"

"Either way you're going to die."

"Yeah? So are you, buddy."

"*******."

I exit the convenience store, pack my Marlboro Reds, turn two up (one for luck, one for ****, to be smoked lastly out of the pack) and light one.

What do you want me to do about it? You're acting like, like we can't
do anything about this, Nandu. Like you're, I mean you're acting like,
this is my fault, here. What was I supposed to do? I mean, I had no way
of knowing, man. Oh ****, might have to shok this guy who's ****** little
kids -- wait a sec, better not say anything about ReFresh water! I mean, what the ****?

I am blaming you because that was the worst joke I've heard.

In how long, ever?

In a long time.

Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. But this is not my fault. We should fight this.

They're doing what they're doing. If you do something like this again, I'm firing you.

You're not gonna fire me.

How do you know that?

You're not gonna fire me because, people make mistakes. And you know that.

Their wars are small, petty, and grey.
I was subjected to a dialogue;
a war story.
Side A walked to Side B's kingdom
to fight them. Side B formed a plan.
Side B sent one person to confront Side A.
She maced them.
In their faces. In. Their. Faces.
Her offense was successful.
I heard this story from Side A.
All I wanted to ask was,
"Why fight them in the first place?".
Why should I feel empathy; that they wanted to
initiate violence instead of dialogue,
and ended up getting outsmarted.
What was the alternative?
A fistfight, and now injuries that can't be fixed?
Who ever learns from the mistakes of violence?
Someone calls my love,
"A stupid white ***** who
needs to learn to keep her mouth shut",
and I can't tell her not to carry a knife.
In all my need for logic, even as a pacifist...
Now, I take what little money I have
and I buy her a canister of
mace.
Men are afraid women will undercut their power
or make a fool of them.
Women are afraid men will ****** them.

"Are you okay?"
- "Define okay."

"I think you are amazing."
"Amazing is a big word."
"It suits you."
"You don't have to say nice things to me."
"I say what I mean... I mean what I say."