Twenty-four.
A number just one before
twenty-five.
A number that signifies
one quarter
of one-hundred,
-in this case-
years of age.

I've circled the sun so many times
that time itself has begun to blend together:

Days spilled into
                       Weeks cascaded into
                                                    Months plunged into
                                                                                  years; incalculable.

I neglect to mention that throughout it all I have,
in fact,
been vaguely happy at worst and genuinely blissful at best.

And so I say to thee;
If on your birthday you cannot breathe,
If every moment is lost with ease,
I implore you, see the cost of these
things-and learn to set yourself free.

These are the
darker days
Highlights have turned
into grays
Teardrops stain my
pillowcase
Maybe I'm not
thinking straight

But I dont want to be here
My mind is digging deeper
This pit is inescapable
I'm falling down an endless hole.

I'm angry
or am I just filled with some hum
refusing to be reduced to the disgusting *** of the past two months, I ain't finished
sit down
and stick around
like these symptoms of depression stick on all around town
& at night
I get nothing done
and I'm lying to myself if I think that's faith, ***
I'm gonna do it or at the very least try

despite All the hits I've taken I survive
yeah, I want winter to die
I'm living it up like it's the afterlife
yeah, I feel nothing and a lot of it
now so it's time to do something because

I'm alive
and when I cry
It only serves as an opportunity to remind
me of it
so Don't count me out dude shove it

I'm not angry

It’s pathetic really, I know,
that I’d live off the scraps of you,
the hand-me-down, half cares and
“hullo’s” you’d throw while I scramble
for your neck in the dark, and ****
you for “just out of reach” and
mumbles under mountains of
day and dream, fervor-filled anthologies
built on your hands and the
consequent shadows cast.

I never got to taste you,
but I imagine it’s something
like 16 and gasoline. The question isn’t
what we really want. We want a
blood bath, the world in flames, but we
cry when the red doesn't come out
of the towels. It's just who we are.

the city is dark, dreary, and dismal
there's no escape from the seemingly never ending cycle
of vicious men committing acts so brutal
every day it gets more abysmal

the sun doesn't shine much like it used to
clouds of hatred and malcontent overcasting it’s rays
fear and anger cloud the skies
an uncontrollable rain is soon to break through

but sometimes a light breaks through the night
pure and bright and keeping you safe
arms wrap around you and hold you close
maybe you could win this fight.

Neither of us were fine
Because I was chasing after him
And he was a few steps ahead of mine
Running in the same direction, same line, that was his only sign
Same pace, same time
His movements matched mine
He intended to leave and i'd stay behind
I never caught up
No, not in this life

you made me
stronger for
the next boy:

but god,
how i was
only working
for you.

i wanted
it to be you
so bad.

i still
do.

If I close my eyes you're here

But I'm not real

But you're here and you're alive
You're breathing

But I'm not real, I'm not alive

But touching you feels real
Your hands, so soft
I remember them being soft

Don't you understand
This isn't really me
I'm gone

I don't understand anything
You're here and why can't that be okay

Because I'm not really here
it's not okay for you to go on this way
You must let go

I tried and isn't that worth something
Can't I be allowed this moment of bliss with you

I'm not real
This isn't real
Let go Milo, let go
I'm dead and you must let go

I'll never let go
You're gone but my love will never leave
Forever is a simple thing