It’s already 4 am
I suddenly woke up
I found myself still waiting for your message—an apology
But I saw nothing
I was urged to click the call button
Thinking that you’re also longing for my presence
But I was wrong
You were on a phone call with somebody else
I expect nothing but a shattered heart
But no, it was not what I expected
No tear was shed
I felt nothing at that very moment
And I heard a whisper saying, “Don’t have second thoughts of going back.”
I stood up and walked away with a dagger in my chest.
I saw a train and said, “come and ride, I’ll bring you to your destination in no time”
I looked at my bare feet and I saw that they were tired walking
I was about to ride the train, but I chose to walk even my feet were full of nothing but blood and thorns
So I sat at my favorite bench where I used to wait, in order to breathe
Then I stood up and begin walking



a note was left on the bench
“You may visit, but don’t ever come back”

It's just a house
on four posts
that managed to encase
my heart in it
and lock it up
with the key.

It's just a house
that got swallowed
and my heart went with it.
Locked up and lost
into the sea.

my mother sees purple
because purple lives on her flesh.

she has stains
from shoulders down.
they scatter across her back
like pressed grapes.
the juice squeezed out of them
to create a rich man’s wine.
they wrap around her legs
like grape vines.
pulling her closer to the ground
with each step.

she hides them.
when men approach her
she says
“quiero que me ames.
my body has rejected me
and even in the womb
i was mutating.”

the men love her face.
she is a woman who does not age.
they say to her
“tu eres morada.
to love yourself you must
accept the color.”
so they have all added
new shades of purple
to her body.

i think that is why
my favorite eyeshadow color
is purple.

I found solace in the darkness
that has robbed me of my freedom.
The darkness that feeds off of me
when I am nowhere near light.

It dictates my inner most fears of
lingering in the shadows of my own being,
yet lighting a path to my incendiary fate
that I know I can suffer for eternities in
the hellfire of my mind.

But the rain rocks my windows, and thunder claps
against my ear like a game in our room of heaven and hell.
It rattles my inner most being, and the strings that
tie me to my friends and family sever themselves
in the fall of twilight. From that, I know,
darkness has robbed me once again of light.

It’s a bitter fate I had the opportunity to accept;
darkness was then a conformity that I lived with.
My place of dwelling. And from letting this darkness
inhabit me for so long, I have come to love it. I have come
to live with it, for without darkness, light will be no more.
I have learned to love such a feared part of me. A loathed
part of me. I’ve seemed to forgotten it even existed along with me.

Darkness was but another part of me that couldn’t exist without
the light. I was given a chance to live in this world, and I would live. I will live. But life comes before death, and tragedy comes in the middle of our peace. Darkness is just but one of them I have come to accept.