non

in french it means "no"

as a prefix
it negates everything after it

i live in a constant state
of feeling
"non"

my life is lead by non-interesting adventures
to non-exciting places
that make me feel more
non

in comparison to everyone
and even only to myself
i am
non-pretty

i smile my
non-white
smile

and nod my
non-even
head

i hang out
alone
with my
non-friends
who pretend
just like me
that we are not just
non

i am the prefix
non

name a nice adjective
and add a non

that is me

non-kind
non-nice
non-happy
non-beautiful
non-social
non-talk­ative
non-humble
non-talented
non-human
non-EVERYTHING

I AM TIRED OF BEING NON

I WANT TO BE SOMETHING

I WANT TO BE
PRETTY
AND NICE
AND KIND
AND TALKATIVE
AND SOCIABLE
AND GRATEFUL
AND HELPFUL
AND HAPPY

BUT ALL I AM

IS

non

I stand alone in a crowded room,
My state of mind open for anyone to assume.
I’m quiet and cold with rain soaked skin,
The music rings loud and the lights are dim.
I’m wading quietly through screaming water.
The flood left the others like lambs awaiting slaughter.
Oblivious- they don’t care.
Swimming through the flood is a perilous dare.
Outside these walls, the lonely scream from the rooftops,
Their voices go unheard- drowning in the endless pour of raindrops.
The roof is leaking now...the room suggests another dance.
Meanwhile, the desperate call out for one final chance.
They are as alone as I am here.
We fill the room to our necks with hopeless tears.

there are days when I feel
as if I am a lonely interlude

squeezed between
the verses of your life

a mere intermission
lacking depth and tone

drawing out perfection
into a careless medley

i struggle to be heard
over the nymphs and sirens

who gloriously sing
the sweet melody of your name

but the harder I try
the deeper my voice cracks

twisting lyrics into
desperate cries for attention

when there is nothing left
when leaves scatter freely through my limbs
when the ground rolls back and forth
and bobs me out and out further
to a sky that frees and cripples
only then do I discover an inner underworld
I never thought possible