When you did respond,
you told me that you were sorry.
That you were
alive.
I think you understood where my worry came from.

I asked you where you had been,
and you said that you were just doing school and sleeping.
It was another depressive episode.

Oh, well.

I feel bad to feel relieved,
But
It could've been worse.
You could've
Cut too deep
Or stayed in bed
Or skipped your meds
Or taken too many...

You could've
Left me.

I said sorry for being such a bother,
Said that "I hope you feel better."
And even though thats not quite right thing to say,
But I think that's the closest I could've gotten.

I remember, I've done this before,
I was... 10, it was 2020.
I remember, my best friend, Kaydence, wouldn't respond to my texts
for a month.
We had fought,
It was some stupid Minecraft game.
And then, she just
Stopped texting
Back.

I was lonely, it was quarantine after all, and I didn't have no one else to talk to.
I texted her every single day
Cried every single day.
I was being dramatic, obviously,
I'm always so **** dramatic.

When she came back, she acted like nothing had happened.
Her mom had just taken away her phone, or something.
I didn't have to worry.

...I think that month I spent, alone
Thats when it had started to get bad.

I'm sorry, really.
I hadn't meant to bother you by
Messaging you everyday for a week,
Each following one more frantic than the last,
Because you wouldn't respond.

I was scared.
Really, really scared.
Scared that you had done something to yourself...

Scared that, maybe, you
Stayed in bed too long
Cut to deep
Went too many days without eating
Too many days skipping your meds-
Or maybe, took all your skipped pills all at once---

It's irrational, I know.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, really.
I hadn't meant to bother you by
Messaging you everyday for a week,
Each following one more frantic than the last,
Because you wouldn't respond.

I was scared.
Really, really scared.
Scared that you had done something to yourself...

Scared that, maybe, you
Stayed in bed too long
Cut too deep
Went too many days without eating
Too many days skipping your meds-
Or maybe, took all your skipped pills all at once---

It's irrational, I know.
I'm sorry.

...

I remember, I've done this before,
I was... 10, it was 2020.
I remember, my best friend, Kaydence, wouldn't respond to my texts
for a month.
We had fought,
It was some stupid Minecraft game.
And then, she just
Stopped texting
Back.

I was lonely, it was quarantine after all, and I didn't have no one else to talk to.
I texted her every single day
Cried every single day.
I was being dramatic, obviously,
I'm always so **** dramatic.

When she came back, she acted like nothing had happened.
Her mom had just taken away her phone, or something.
I didn't have to worry.

...I think that month I spent, alone,
Thats when it had started to get bad.

...

When you did respond,
you told me that you were sorry.
That you were
alive.
I think you understood where my worry came from.

I asked you where you had been,
and you said that you were just doing school and sleeping.
It was another depressive episode.

Oh, well.

I feel bad to feel relieved,
But
It could've been worse.
You could've
Cut too deep
Or stayed in bed
Or skipped your meds
Or taken too many...

You could've
Left me.

I said sorry for being such a bother,
Said that "I hope you feel better."
And even though thats not quite right thing to say,
But I think that's the closest I could've gotten.

To depend we when;
Safe doing feel thoughts and can purpose.
Vulnerable trust what honest encourages;
Safe when fulfils family feeling.
Other depend.

Al's been my friend since I was in the seventh grade.
I remember meeting him and instantly feeling his gravitational pull.  
Instantly becoming friends that were inseparable.
He was the only one there for me through the rough and happy moments.
From reckless teenage days all the way to long college nights.
Sadly, things took a turn and our friendship has become a dependency.
I need Al to fall asleep.
To go to class.
To function.
How do I tell O'le Al that this friendship has to end?
O'le Alcohol... I'm sorry.. this friendship has to come to an end...
I think it's time we both go our separate ways.

She is all I will ever need.
My bruises and fractures have never healed as fast.
In her presence
her stare.

My flaws and my faults
Feeling all so far behind me.
The acts of wrath I committed
washed away in her gaze.

The gauze she wraps around my wrists
Like soft silk in her touch.
Everything I knew that I was
fades away from me like an unsound dream.

She patches up my worries and fears
With sweet nothings and her smile
That never fading smile.
She is all I will ever need.

What could I do when she is gone?
When I curb to the weight
Of being saved again and again
Without her.

She crumbles slowly everyday
I can see it.
There is no room in this world
To be kind.

I fall back into my old habits
The momentary peace in my life
is always disrupted
Whenever she walks out of my apartment door.

-Kore