i should have never left home.
i should have never left the roof, the suffocation
and just stayed to die under blankets,
lest i die out in fresh air and spring.
i wish i could look you in the eye
and laugh with you, hold your hand,
let it sweat.
but i would have much rather died at home.
from here there are blinders on my eyes,
my windows and i measure my worth in
how many times you come over to just say *"hey",
(you lose points if you bring someone with you.)
another shadow cast in this already dark room,
i'd much rather die here, selfishly, with you pleading
for me to talk to you. then again, you never have.
i'll rather rot in this room, deluded and empty,
alive for now, but i'm waiting. i'll hold my own hand,
sweat it out, pretend it's yours.
i pretend to know what you'd kiss like, with your hands
against my cheek. i'll never know. (maybe i should leave--)
i should have never left home.
i'll relax here and wait for nothing to happen,
and for you to never kiss me at all.

I got used to a fantasy world
I knew I’d wise up one day.
Give up a dream I was making.
So tired of living in someday.
When it started I was younger
Not quite as bright as today.
Settled for crumbs of your love.
So tired of living in someday.

I tolerated each of your myths
And lived with being miserable
Hoping things would get better
Always waiting for the miracle.

I gave in so easily to the idea
That it was all about just you.
I did it all without questioning
Whatever you wanted to do.
It was dreamwork those days
All made of mirrors and smoke
And felt like the kind of high
You get from illegal tokes.

I exaggerated on your myths
And lived like an acolyte
Like your personal Cleopatra
Waiting for the snake to bite.

I told myself I would win
If I held on to you some way.
So, I gathered all my assets
And invested them in someday.
I can’t say your habit was
That you treated me like dirt.
But, I also can’t say to you
That your treatment didn’t hurt.

I am through with your myths
And living feeling so miserable.
I know things won’t get better;
I won’t ever see a miracle.
When it started I was younger
Not quite as bright as today.
Settled for crumbs of your love.
So tired of living in someday.

Normal is a delusion of grandeur.

I can't stand the way you
Straighten your shoulders and
Look down on the world from
Your invisable throne.
You've spent so much time
Looking down your nose that
You haven't realized that
You have no crown nor castle.
There is no kingdom,
Nor are there gold or gems.
You're living in a fairy tale of your own
Creation.

.
Of the unaware dreamers,
Hearts are held breathless
In mid air, shunted in light
Below lips that lie a bed,
Hairs stand on ends break
Drowning with eyes shut,
The flesh that burns cold
Knows only heats of mind
And dreams smothering,
Like so few words alive.

In the love room blankets
Reveal dark in coverings,
The fingers tally bone dry,
Touch, chafed and strafed
Like nails sanded and cut,
Two hearts so long gone,
Untethered, playing foul,
Both agreeing in isolation
That death has two smiles
Frowned, in the love room.

She loves you
She hates you
You pushed her,
Off her route
Now she's lost
In her delusions
But once she
Crawls out of them
She'll be trapped
In the hole she dug.
Lonely, helpless
Where you left her.
She'll hate you
She'll need you.